the love dare challenge

i will post today's challenge at the top. if you missed one, you can scroll down to find older dares. any personal comments i have outside of the dare will be in green.

dare 40
write a renewal of your vows and place them in your home. perhaps, if appropriate, you could make arragements to formally renew your wedding voews before a minister and with family present. make it a living testament to the value of marriage in God's eyes and the high honor of being one with your mate.

dare 39
spend time in personal prayer, then write a letter of commitment and resolve to your spouse. include why you are committing to this marriage until death, and that you have purposed to love them no matter what. leave it in a place that your mate will find it.

dare 38
ask yourself what your mate would want if it was obtainable. commit this to prayer, and start mapping out a plan for meeting some (if not all) of their desires, to whatever level you possible can.

dare 37
ask your spouse if you can begin praying together. talk about the best time to do this, whether it's in the the morning, your lunch hour, or before bedtime. use this time to commit your concerns, disagreements, and needs before the Lord. don't forget to thank Him for His provision and blessing. even if your spouse refuses to do this, resolve to spend this daily time in prayer yourself.

dare 36
commit to reading the Bible every day. find a devotional book or other resource that will give you some guidance. if your spouse is open to it see if they will commit to daily Bible reading with you. begin submitting each area of your life to its guidance and start building on the rock.

the officer is already reading the bible in 90 days. he's in exodus. i could probably catch up to him. we had done this with our sunday school but neither of us made it all the way through. i made it to psalms and the officer made it to one of the corinthians. it was easy to do. i don't know why i quit. i think i will pick this back up and catch up to him. i remember when we were doing it together, the same reading each night, we would end our nights in bed talking about some of the things we read. it was interesting.

dare 35
find a marriage mentor - someone who is a strong christian and who will be honest and loving with you. if you feel that counseling is needed, then take the first step to set up and appointment. during this process, ask God to direct your decisions and discernment.

dare 34
find a specific, recent example when your spouse demonstrated christian character in a noticeable way. verbally comment them for this at some point today.

dare 33
recognize that your spouse is integral to your future success. let them know today that you desire to include them in your upcoming decisions, and that you need their perspectives and counsel. if you have ignored their input in the past, admit your oversight and ask them to forgive you.

i admit have done this frequently. since i am at home, i will just make decision without consulting the officer. most of the time this does not bother him and but there have been times when he has said he wishes i would have asked him first. it has caused tension in the past. other times i have known what the officer would like to do but have gone ahead and done it my way. not good. overall on the big decisions, we are usually hand in hand. we see eye to eye but that doesn't mean i should consult him to make sure it's what the officer would like to do.

dare 32
get ready for it!!!! if at all possible, try to initiate sex with your husband or wife today. do this in a way that honors what your spouse has told you (or implied to you) about what they need from you sexually. ask God to make this enjoyable for both of you as well as a path to greater intimacy.

no commentary on this one! :) go and do!

dare 31
is there a "leaving" issue you haven't been brave enough to conquer yet? confess it to your spouse today, and resolve to make it right. the oneness of your marriage is dependent upon it. follow this with a commitment to your spouse and to God to make your marriage the top priority over every other human relationship.

dare 30
isolate one area of division in your marriage, and look on today as a fresh opportunity to pray about it. ask the Lord to reveal anything in your own heart that is threatening oneness with your spouse. pray that He would do the same of them. and if appropriate, discuss this matter openly, seeking God for unity.

dare 29
before you see your spouse again today, pray for them by name and for their needs. whether it comes easy for you or not, say "i love you," then express love to them in some tangible way. go to God in prayer again, thanking him for giving you the privilege of loving this one special person - unconditionally, the way He loves the both of you.

dare 28
what is one of the greatest needs in your spouse's life right now? is there a need you could lift from their shoulders today by a daring act of sacrifice on your party? whether the need is big or small, purpose to do what you can to meet the need.

dare 27
eliminate the poison of unrealistic expectations in your home. think of one area where your spouse has told you you're expecting too much, and tell them you're sorry for being so hard on them about it. promise them you'll seek to understand, and assure them of your unconditional love.

i think i set myself up all the time with this. i have expectations that i expect to be met, but i may have not share those expectations with the officer. i also maybe expect him to be like me, but he's not. i once heard, "if you and your spouse are exactly the same, then one is not needed." so i guess my attempts to make my spouse more like me and do things more like the way i would do them would actually be detrimental to our marriage. the officer brings certain strengths to our marriage that i could never bring and vice versa. i will have to have a conversation with the officer to see what unrealistic expectations i have put on him.

dare 26
take time to pray through your areas of wrongdoing. ask for God's forgiveness, then humble yourself enough to admit them to your spouse. do it sincerely and truthfully. ask your spouse for forgiveness as well. no matter how they respond, make sure you cover your responsibility in love. even if they respond with criticism, accept it by receiving it as counsel.

dare 25
whatever you haven't forgiven in your mate, forgive it today. let it go. just as we ask Jesus to "forgive us our debts" each day, we must ask Him to help us "forgive our debtors" each day as well. unforgiveness has been keeping you and your spouse in prison too long. say from your heart, "i choose to forgive."

it is hard for me to ask for forgiveness. this is something i will have to work on. it's probably harder for me to ask for forgiveness because of pride than it is to forgive. i need to work on giving forgiveness too instead of holding onto the "i'm RIGHT and you'll pay" attitude too.

dare 24
end it now. identify every object of lust in your life and remove it. single out every lie you've swallowed in pursuing forbidden pleasure and reject it. lust cannot be allowed to live in a back bedroom. it must be killed and destroyed - today - and replace with the sure promises of God and a heart filled with his perfect love.

dare 23
remove anything that is hindering your relationship, any addiction or influence that's stealing your affections and turning your heart away from your spouse.

do you think this means the television and the computer? dare i say the kids (not that i would get rid of them). however, i do think i can pour in most of my affection into the kids and not have much left over at the end of day for the officer. i need to write a list of what i do during the week to see what is a priority, evaluate, and rearrange.

dare 22
love is a choice, not a feeling. it is an initiated action, not a knee-jerk reaction. choose today to be committed to love even if your spouse has lost most of their interest in receiving it. say to them today in words similar to these, "i love you. period. i choose to love you even if you don't love me in return."

i like this. love is easy to do when everything is going good. it is not easy when things are not going good. when your needs are not getting met, it's hard to met your spouse's needs. i have a knee-jerk reaction a lot of the time. i choose to say something that is not loving instead of not saying something. love is an initiated action - meaning on my part - not waiting on my spouse to do his part.

we are a little over half way finished - how are you doing? i'm doing okay. i know this has been good for me to do. even though i would say our marriage is "strong" and "not rocky" or "in trouble", i feel like doing the love dare has benefited our relationship. it has shown me weak areas i need to work on.

dare 21
be intentional today about making a time to pray and read your Bible. try reading a chapter out of proverbs each day (there are thirty one - a full month's supply), or reading a chapter in the gospels (matthew, mark, luke, and john). as you do immerse yourself in the love and promises God has for you. this will add to your growth as you walk with him.

i started reading proverbs. i read it together with my kids during our bible part of homeschooling. i've never read all the way through proverbs. i need to make sure i spend time in prayer specifically about the needs of the officer. he has expressed some needs to me, and i know i can support him tremendously by praying for him.

dare 20
dare to take God at his word. dare to trust Jesus Christ for salvation. dare to pray, "Lord Jesus, i'm a sinner. but you have shown your love for me by dying to forgive my sins, and you have proven your power to save me from death by your resurrection. Lord, change my heart, and save me by your grace."

this dare was taken care in my senior year in high school. i honestly don't know where i'd be today if the Lord had not saved me back then. there is hope in God. there is salvation in God. there is peace and rest in God. i have found all those things and so much more in God. i would encourage you that if you do not have a close, personal relationship with God, you would pray now. He will listen. He will change your heart.

dare 19
look back over the dares from previous days. were there some that seemed impossible to you? have you realized your need for God to change your heart and to give you the ability to love? ask Him to show you where you stand with Him, ans ask for the strength and grace to settle your eternal destination.

some of these dares did seem impossible. some were not completed on the actual day for the dare. i realized very quickly into this, i would not be able to go by my strength to do any of this. because if it was by my strength, i would have stopped at - oh about dare 3. fortunately, i do already know where my eternal destination will be. i've known that since i've was a senior in high school. i have to keep praying for God to always change my heart, because my heart is prideful, selfish, and frankly doesn't want to be loving at times.

dare 18
prepare a special dinner at home, just for the two of you. the dinner can be as nice as you prefer. focus this time on getting to know your spouse better, perhaps in areas you've rarely talked about. determine to make it an enjoyable evening for you and your mate.

i will have to figure out when to do this. since we have the two kiddos making dinner for just the two of us can be hard. i guess i could do a little bit of a late dinner for the officer and i - like eat after the kids are in bed. the kids go to bed usually at 6:30 p.m. and i know we will be starving by then, but i can probably pull this off.

dare 17
determine to guard your mate's secrets (unless they are dangerous to them or to you) and to pray for them. talk with your spouse, and resolve to demonstrate love in spite of these issues. really listen to them when they share personal thought and struggles with you. make them feel safe.

i can do this one too. although on sunday night my mouth once again slipped and i said something i shouldn't have. not something mean-spirited or rude but more along the lines of a little embarrassing. i usually do not have this problem unless it's embarrassing to me, but since it obviously can still happen i need to be vigilant about it.

dare 16
begin praying today for your spouse's heart. pray for three specific areas where you desire for God to work in your spouse's life and in your marriage.

alright - i did pretty good today. praying is something i can definitely do too! for yesterday's dare, i washed the officer's car today. i didn't just wash it, i detailed it. i vaccuumed, armor all-ed it, windexed the windows, cleaned the tired, and got all the bug guts off the grill (NASTY!). he came home from work today while i was out there washing it. i think it surprised him that i was actually doing it. of course as soon as i finished the clouds started moving in. doesn't matter though, the officer knows i did it because i love him.

dare 15
choose a way to show honor and respect to your spouse that is above your normal routine. it may be holding the door for her. it might be putting his clothes away for him. it may be they way you listen and speak in your communication. show your mate that he or she is highly esteemed in your eyes.

putting away the clothes for him - easy - do it anyway, i will have to work on the way i listen and speak in my communication. my communication could always use some work. the officer did write a very sweet note on my mirror this morning. i won't tell you exactly what it said, but he did say he was noticing the work i was putting into showing him i love him. let me say - dry erase markers are a great addition to your bathroom. i have used them to remind me to do something in the morning. my children have used them to draw pictures on the mirror. you can write your memory verse with it. it just wipes off like it does off a dry erase board. however, my favorite use is writing notes and receiving them from the officer. they don't cost much and it's not hard to write a little note saying, "i love you" on the mirror. try it!

dare 14
purposefully neglect an activity you would normally do so you can spend quality time with your spouse. do something he or she would love to do or a project they'd really like to work on. just be together.

sometimes this is also hard for me to do. i will see the dishes from dinner left over and have the urge to put them away in the dishwasher before i sit down to relax. i like to have the house picked up so when i start the next day i can start out without having a messy house. i know i can "stop" or "neglect" an activity to spend time with the officer. this dare is easier than some of the others. :)

dare 13
talk with your spouse about establishing healthy rules of engagement. if your mate is not ready for this, then write out your own personal rules to "fight" by. resolve to abide them when the next disagreement occurs.

dare 12
demonstrate love by willingly choosing to give in to an area of disagreement between you and your spouse. tell them you are putting their preference first.

this one will be very difficult for me. however, i need to work on swallowing my pride and giving in because i love the officer and not just to try to prove i am right. i'll let you know next time we have a disagreement.

dare 11
what need does you spouse have that you could meet today? can you run an errand? give a back rub or foot massage? is there housework you could help with? choose a gesture that says, "i cherish you" and do it with a smile.

dare 10
do something out of the ordinary today for your spouse - something that proves (to you and to them) that your love is based on your choice and nothing else. wash her car. clean the kitchen. buy his favorite dessert. fold the laundry. demonstrate love to them for the sheer joy of being their partner in marriage.

wash the car would be one for the officer. his car is filthy on the outside since we went to the lake yesterday. we have our roles assigned - basically i take care of everything inside the house and he does everything outside. most of the time this works excellent. i do not like to mow, or know how to take care of the cars, or want to clean our the garage, or pick up toads that i've run over (and yes since it's outside of the house i totally let him know that he can take care of it - and he does it - isn't he sweet?). we cross over and help each other out sometimes. the officer always helps clean the house when we have company coming over. so i can do something outside the house (wash the car) to help him out. he can't stand it when his car is dirty.

i didn't get his car washed today. i didn't have time to leave the house. however, when he was finished mowing the yard, i offered and swept up the grass clippings. i've never done that before so he knew i was doing something different and special for him.

dare 9
think of a specific way you'd like to greet your spouse today. do it with a smile and with enthusiasm. then determine to change your greeting to reflect your love for them.

okay this surely i can do. i am often distracted with fixing dinner, or doing school, or cleaning house when he comes in, but it's not asking too much to take a second from what i am doing to stop, smile and say hi. who wouldn't like a nice greeting when they come in the door.

dare 8
determine to become your spouse's biggest fan and to reject any thoughts of jealousy. to help you set your heart on your spouse and focus on their achievements, take yesterday's list of negative attributes and discreetly burn it. then share with your spouse how glad you are about the success he or she recently enjoyed.

i don't think i have really had a problem of being "jealous" of my husband. i am not sure how the burning the negative attributes has to do with the "jealousy". although i can see benefit to getting rid of the negative list.

dare 7
for today's dare, get two sheets of paper. on the first one, spend a few minutes writing out positive things about your spouse. then do the same with the negative things on the second sheet. place both sheets in a secret place for another day. there is a different purpose and plan for each. at some point during the remainder of the day, pick a positive attribute from the first list and than your spouse for having this characteristic.

dare 6
choose today to react to tough circumstances in your marriage in loving ways instead of with irritation. begin by making a list below of areas where you need to add margin to your schedule. then list any wrong motivations that you need to release from your life.

dare 5
ask your spouse to tell you three things that cause him or her to be uncomfortable or irritated with you. you must do so without attacking them or justifying your behavior. this is from their perspective only.

was i really worried about dare 1? what was i thinking? the first two questions there i typed last night. i am typing this portion today in the afternoon. i have to say this has been a very tense week on the island - lack of communication or correct communication. i purposefully did not read through all the dares. i thought i might just say i'm not doing it if i saw the work i might have to do. is that bad? anyway, it's been amazing that we are dare 5 and each and every dare has fit that day perfectly. it the thing i most needed to work on so far. it's been strange. the officer did read a little ahead on the dares and told me he actually laughed out loud when he saw what i would have to do. he knew it would be a challenge for me.

i admit i even entertained the thought of pulling the plug on this. i thought, "how many people are actually reading this. i bet i can just stop this now and not that many people would know. however there's that whole "i actually put it on my fb status that i was doing this". there's the whole being a quitter thing (which i detest). there's the whole it will help my character, my goal to be a better wife and person, and what else???? the officer knew i was doing this and he said, "i thought you weren't suppose to let your spouse know you were doing this. doesn't it kind of take a little away from it if i know you are doing it?" he may have a point, but there was accountability in it for me now that he knows. you can tell i've made it over a little hump because i've typed two commentary paragraphs on this as opposed to the one paragraph the previous 4 days.

ugg - so much to work on. this has really shed light on my stubbornness (it has really come though), my pride, and my selfishness - all ugly things to see in the light of day. luckily the officer loves me, knows me and loves me. guess God loves me, knows me, loves me and knows what is best for me. the love dare came at a time when it would challenge me and not when i would take it lightly. all in God's plan.

dare 4
contact your spouse sometime during the business of the day. have no agenda other than asking how he or she is doing and if there is anything you could do for them.

have you seen nemo? do you know the part where the starfish is in the tank and getting pulled off the wall. she's yelling, "find a happy place, find a happy place!" that's what i feel like now. i feel like i could be getting overwhelmed, not with just marriage stuff, but a lot of stuff..... starting school with the kids, day to day, all the new "activities" starting up with our family. may need to slow down and appreciate what God has given me. i lose sight of it so easily sometimes.

dare 3
whatever you put your time, energy and money into will become more important to you. it's hard to care for something you are not invested in. along with restraining from negative comments, buy your spouse something that says, "i was thinking of you today."

failed miserably today. rough day on the island. didn't get something for the officer, although he did give me something today. fyi, if you are doing the love dare, be aware that satan is probably at some point going to attack. maybe not in huge life changing ways. however, he may poke at weakness you have. he's gotten me good a few times with a "just say it!" thought. of course i take ownership and realize i am the only one who can actually say it. will have to be sure to buy him "two i was thinking of you things" tomorrow.

dare 2
in addition to saying nothing negative to your spouse again today, do at least one unexpected gesture as an act of kindness.

okay not being negative wasn't as hard as i thought; however, i do admit i had to think about what i was going to say much more. of course i wasn't with the officer most of the day, but i tried not to be negative around anyone else either. i failed once. i like to post the dare the night before i actually start doing it so i can know what i need to do first thing in the morning.

dare 1
the first part of this dare is simple. although love is communicated in a number of ways, our words often reflect the condition of our heart. for the next day, resolve to demonstrate patience and to say nothing negative to your spouse at all. if the temptation arises, choose not to say anything. it's better to hold your tongue than to say something you'll regret.

oy! could we not have started off with giving him my kidney? i mean i'm not too much of a negative person, but good grief. i often say what comes to my mind - something i'm always trying to work on. i know many women can find themselves being critical or negative without even paying attention. i will work on this very hard tomorrow. good thing i am writing this out today, maybe i can get in a little practice before this whole thing gets started!