building Godly character in your children

this week in sunday school we had one of our sunday school members, mr. r teach the lesson. it was about building Godly character in your children. mr. r works for character first and travels around the world teaching people how to teach the character first curriculm. did that make sense??? due to time, he was unable to complete the lesson, but he said some really great things i'd like to share.

there are 40 character qualities. don't worry i won't list them all here, but you can click here to find out what they are and their definitions. they are all great!

basically mr. r taught about building character three different ways - by teaching, praising and correcting (the last one is the one he was unable to get to). we are trying to grow character. it is not something that is naturally known how to do. he used the illustration that growing character is like shoveling snow. you are shoveling it all on, making a huge pile. it may not make any sense to your children now, but at some point it will all start to melt and soak in. i liked the illustration. sometimes i think, why should i do that now, they don't even understand the concept, but they will at some point. i want them to say, "oh we've always done that, not we've never done that so why do it now."

i'd like to share just a couple of things that stuck out to me when mr. r was teaching.

teaching

Deuteronomy 6:6-7
"And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up."

1. our teaching can often revolve around conflict only. we tell the kids what they should be/have done only when there is a problem or fight.

2. we need to teach around times of non-conflict. they will have more of tendency to listen to you. you will have more of an impact when you are not angry, frustrated, or irritated.

3. we should be systematic about it. it would help if you followed a schedule. the example mr. r gave was having a time of reading the Bible or devotion time right after dinner. have a set aside time of when you and your children would spend time talking about having a Christ-like or godly character.

4. we should teach by example. however, mr. r did not only mean our example. he suggested pointing out other people who are good examples. find someone your kids admire/look up to and explain to the kids why they look up to them. do they find them honest, dependable, generous, creative, patient, loyal or resourceful? discuss why these qualities are good to have. also take time to point out bad examples: people who are careless, inconsistent, prejudice, hypocrite, deceptive, impure, arrogant, or selfish and discuss them.

5. many people in our class shared books/stories they read to their children that help teach character. i have not read all these book, but i did write some of them down. here are some titles or names of authors that were mention (i added a link to amazon.com for the books)

Mildred Martin - Wisdom and the Millers
Frank Peretti - he has a series of book about the Cooper kids. it's suggest for older elementary age.
The Weed with an Ill Name
Janette Oke - she has a series of animal books
Ron Hamilton - Patch the Pirate
Paws and Tales
Laura Ingalls Wilder - entire little house on the prairie series

if you have another suggestion of great books that help teach character, please leave a comment at the end of the post.

praise

Proverbs 23: 15-16
"My son, if your heart is wise, my heart will rejoice - indeed, I myself; Yes, my inmost being will rejoice when your lips speak right things."

III John 4
"I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth."

so let me just admit this now, i have trouble with this. i mean i have to make an intentional effort to praise. i may think something, but i don't always say it. i tend get into the rut of teaching around conflict. maybe i have too much going on or something, but i find myself doing it. i have to say to myself, "make sure you tell him he did a great job, and make sure you praise her for doing it correctly."

1. mr. r said something that hit me like a ton of bricks. he said, "whoever praises your children will capture their heart." hmmm.... i understand what he's saying. he said that whenever you praise someone you do make them feel good and you become more attractive (not physically) to them. why do we think so many girls are attracted to boys who compliment them or so many boys like the girls who they are a "hot"?

2. often the reason we do not praise is because of our expectations. we expect them to do things: clean their room, pick up their toys, set the table, put their dirty clothes in the laundry basket, so we don't show appreciation. even though they are expected to do it, it is nice to hear a "thank you" or a "good job". even though i make dinner every day - okay not every day :) - it is nice to hear "that was a great meal mom" or "thanks for cooking dinner".

3. if it's worth correcting when wrong, then it's worth praising when it's right.

4. we often expect perfection from our kids. we will average out how well they do things. mr. r gave the example of a son who loses his temper often. he may lose his temper 4 times in a week and then not lose it the 5 time when he could have. we might think, "i'm not going to say anything about not losing his temper because he will just lose it tomorrow." instead we should praise him for controlling his temper that one time. our goal is not perfection. our goal is to motivate growth.

5. we must be specific. don't just say "good job son!" praise how they handled a specific situation. don't use always, never, or general works like that. we want our praise to have credibility. mr. r said you can do a:

2 second praise: thank you
3 second praise: thank you for picking up your toys
4 second praise: thank you for picking up your toys, it's very responsible of you.
5 second praise: thank you for pickup up your toys, it's very responsible of you and i'm proud of you.

6. deal with character and not just achievements. we always tell them we are proud of them when the achieve something: straight A's, a blue belt in tae kwon do, but we need to make sure we praise them for not being selfish, sharing a toy, or keeping their word.

7. don't compare one kid against another. don't say, "why can't you do what your brother does?" or "so and so doesn't do that."

8. don't criticize.

i made an intentional effort to praise my son and daughter more. i saw a difference in my son. not that i didn't see a difference in my daughter, but my son's attitude was markedly different. i saw joy in my son's eyes to know i was proud of him. i saw earnestness in my son's eyes when he tried to complete tasks i had asked him to do. it can make a difference. if you spend most of your time, criticizing, complaining, or getting onto them and not enough time praising and appreciating them, you fill their hearts with all the negative. what comes out of the mouth, comes from the heart.

Luke 6:45
"The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks."

correct

Proverbs 29:17
"Correct your son, and he will give you rest; yes, he will give delight to your soul."

Proverbs 3:11-12
"My son, do not despise the chastening of the Lord nor detest His correction; for whom the Lord love He corrects, just as a father the son in whom he delights."

this is where mr. r ran out of time, but it's been good stuff so far hasn't it? i don't know if he will finish next week. if he does, i will come back and complete this. check back in.