tagged for a picture post

1. Go to your pictures
2. Go to the sixth folder
3. Find the sixth picture
4. Blog about it
5. Tag six people to do the same
6. Smile!

Here's mine:

this pictures is my son and a good friend of ours, david. in 2007, he was headed to iraq for 10 months. we have been friends with david and his wife, lee, since college. this picture is from the going away ceremony for the 45th infantry. my son looks up to "soldier dave" - that's what he calls him. we taped this picture to our world map to remind us to pray for him while he was gone. before soldier dave left he gave my son an army camelback (???) backpack, an army helmet, and army coin. my son still plays with that stuff today. he also let us use a lot of soldier stuff for my son's army birthday party. soldier dave gave him another coin when he returned safely last year. these are very special items to my son that puts on his dresser. of course now that soldier dave is back, they can play star wars. my son is very enthralled with soldier dave's millennium falcon. soldier dave & lee have been so gracious to us and to our son. we love you guys!

okay so here's my other tags.

1. julie
2. kathryn
3. jamin
4. lori
5. kristen
6. crystal

everything including the laundry basket

we have this thing we always do in the house. the kids always love to weigh themselves (they are the only ones). anyway, since my son was born early he has always been on the small side. whenever we have gone to the well-child doctor visits and they do the weight/height chart thing, well he's always been off the chart (meaning below) or in the lower 25%. this hasn't really concerned the doctor because he has always gained weight and grown but he he just stayed on the lower end of the chart. my daughter is always at least 50% or higher in her weight and height. even though she is two years younger than my son, she is usually two lbs. smaller and 2 inches shorter than him. inevitably when i am out with the kids, someone always asks if they are twins.

so my kids like to weigh themselves. my son is waiting for the day when he hits 40 lbs and stays there. right now he fluctuates between 38 and 40. whenever my daughter weighs herself she is 2 lbs. behind him.

this morning when he went to weigh himself, he ran out of the bathroom exclaiming, "Mommy, I'M 42 POUNDS!!!!" i thought, "wow, it must be because he just ate breakfast, water retention, or maybe he's finally made it past 40 lbs. permanently.

NOPE.

he said, "do you know how i weighed 42 lbs?"

"No, is it because you just ate breakfast?", i said.

"No mommy, it's because i was holding the laundry basket!", he said.

good thing i did the laundry yesterday (it's not all put up yet though, anyone want to come fold it and put it away for me?)

shepherding a child's heart - foundation 4

here we go again. shepherding a child's heart by ted tripp.

Foundation 4 - Authority

Authority - a right to command or to act: as the authority of a prince over subjects, and of parents over children. power; rule; sway. (Webster 1828)

Let's think like a lost person for a moment: Why am I the authority in my child's life? Why do I want my child to obey me? Or do I even care if they obey? Much of today's parenting is nothing more than parental convenience. he said much of today's parenting (from the view of a lost parent) is so the child will stop annoying the parent, or so they won't have to deal with them, and so on.

I want my children to become independent decisions makers - self-governed (govern - direction; regulation; control; restraint). I want them to be free from me and my control. this means as my kids get older, i have to let them make their own decisions and mistakes. ugg. i have to watch them fail and let them fail and teach them they can turn to God for the answer and also to learn how to make wiser decisions. i want them to be able to make wise and godly decisions when they are not under my roof.

Freedom is not found in autonomy (being their own boss) nor an environment of no control or lack of restraint.
Autonomy - the power or right of self government, whether in a city which elects it's own magistrates and make sits own laws, or in an individual who lives according to his own will (Webster 1828).

Freedom is found in obedience.
Psalms 119:44-45
I will always obey your law, for ever and ever. I will walk about in freedom, for I have sought out your precepts.

All of us will always obey something or someone. We are never under no control. Some say "I do whatever I want. I don't obey anyone. I'm free." They are slaves to their desires.

Who does God want us to obey? - Him!
Who does Satan want us to obey? - Ourselves! We are sinners and left to ourselves we will sin.
Satan wants us to let our kids do what they want!
God wants us to teach our children to obey - us first and then Him.

Proverbs 5:21-23
For a man's ways are before the eyes of the LORD, and he ponders all in his paths. The iniquities of the wicked ensnare him, and he is held fast in the cords of his sin. He dies for the lack of discipline, and because of his great folly he is led astray.

I am God's agent in the life of my child. God directs me to act, to do something.

Abraham was given the task to command his children
Genesis 18: 17-19
Then the Lord said, "Shall I hide from Abraham what I am about to do? Abraham will surely become a great and powerful nation, and all nations on earth will be blessed through him. For I have chosen him, so that he will direct his children and his household after him to keep the way of the Lord by doing what is right and just, so that the Lord will bring about for Abraham what he has promised him."

Moses commanded the people to teach their children
Deuteronomy 6:1-15 i thought about not typing this - but it's too good!
These are the commands, decrees and laws the Lord your God directed me to teach you to observe in the land that you are crossing the Jordan to possess, so that you, your children and their children after them may fear the Lord you God as long as you live by keeping all his decrees and commands that I give you, and so that you may enjoy long life. Hear, O Israel, and be careful to obey so that it may go well with you and that you may increase greatly in a land flowing with milk and honey, just as the Lord, the God of your fathers, promised you. Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the door frames of your houses and on your gates. When the Lord your God brings you into the land he swore to your fathers, to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, to give you - a land with large, flourishing cities, you did not build, houses filled with all kinds of good things you did not provide, wells you did not dig, and vineyards and olive groves you did not plant - then when you eat and are satisfied, be careful that you do not forget the Lord, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery. Fear the Lord you God, serve him only and take your oaths in his name. Do not follow other gods, the dogs of the peoples around you; for the Lord your God, who is among you, is a jealous God and his anger will burn against you, and he will destroy you from the face of the land.

oh my goodness. He has given us instructions right here. we are to never stop loving God or stop telling our children about God. He has told us it is our responsibility - not the churches, the schools, other friends or families - ours alone. He has covered every basis. He has said not to forget him in times of abundance - not to forget who provided the abundance. He has reiterated what he thinks about idols again.

Who wants your children to obey God? God!
Whose job is it to teach them to obey God? Mine!
Why? Because God told me to!

Ephesians 6: 1-4
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. "Honor your father and mother" - which is the first commandment with a promise - "that is may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth". Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

Why do I want my children to obey? Because I want them to live, not die!

Proverbs 6: 20-23
My son, keep your father's commands and do not forsake your mother's teaching. Bind them upon your heart forever; fasten them around your neck. When you walk, they will guide you; when you sleep, they will watch over you; when you awake, they will speak to you. For these commands are a lamp, this teaching is a light, and the corrections of discipline are the way to life.


Results of understanding authority

What does this understanding do for me as a parent?

It gives me a mandate, a commission to act, to be the authority in my child's life. God said I am to rule.

It give me confidence. I am doing this because God has told me to. (I do not need the endorsement or permission of my child!)

It gives me an objective. I am training my child to obey God.

It gives me humility. I realize I can't do this because I too am a sinner. I have to rely on God. When I goof, I have to ask forgiveness form my children.

It reminds me that there is no place for anger in child training. We parents get angry because we experience inconvenience. (I have toe tell them again; I can't do what I want to do because my kids ____; why can't they just do what they are told?; my life would be easier or more pleasant if my kids would just do what they should do, or do what I tell them to do!)
James 1: 19-20
My dear brothers, take not of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry, for a man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.

It reminds me that Biblical parenting benefits the child. I can teach my children to receive correction because it is form God through me.
Proverbs 15:32
He who ignores discipline despises himself, but whoever heeds correction gains understanding.


Summary

You are the authority over your child because God has called you to direct.
Genesis 18:19
For I have chosen him, so that he will direct his children and his household after him to keep the way of the Lord by doing what is right ad just, so that the Lord will bring about for Abraham what he has promised him.

You provide direction under God's authority.

Your right to be in charge is derived from God's authority. You need not be tentative or overbearing.

You are God's agent to teach His ways to your child.

You are God's agent to help your child understand himself as a creature in God's world.

You are God's agents to show your child the need for grace and forgiveness.

You look to God to give you strength and wisdom for your task.

the library has notified me that the copy of this book is ready at the library for me to pick up. i am so excited to get this book and read it.

now i have to get a real plant

most of you know me. you know there are limitations to me. i cannot NOT keep anything green alive. i have made several attempts to have (real, live) plants in my house, but inevitably i will forget to water them or put them in sunlight and they die a slow death. most of the time, i have forgotten about them so much, it is way beyond repair when i find them in their dried up brown state.

a couple of months ago, the kids had gotten a kid's meal from braums. the "toy" inside their meal was a plastic pot and a envelop of seeds. it had a picture of daisies on the package. i groaned to myself when i saw this. i mean what kind of kid's meal "toy" is a plant? i would have much rather seen a toy car, hairbrush, or something else i'm going to throw away in a month or so. however, this was not the case and the kids eagerly asked me if we could plant them.

i put the best smile on my face i could muster and said, "sure kids, mommy will plant them for you." they don't know my track record on this so maybe i can start anew.

i plant these seeds (also thinking little daisies will be cute) and wait for their arrival. we put them on the window seal. they do grow, much to my surprise. the kids were very excited. who am i kidding, I was very excited. they do grow and thrive (although no daisies ever grew). however, i did forget to water my son's and some of it died off (the plant in the green pot). you can tell from the picture. it has been at least 4 months we've had these plants and they are still alive and mostly green. these are the ONLY plants in my house. my son has hope for me yet though.

the other day we were watching television. a commercial for the "aqua globe" came on. my son was watching it. i said, "that is what i need for the plants so i don't forget to water them!" we talked about it for a little while. fast forward a couple of weeks. i take my kids to my mother's house to stay the night. i walk into the house with the kids, and my son pull my mother aside. he is saying something about, "grandma DON'T FORGET!" my mom says she has to go out to her car to get something for me before i leave. we all go out there, she gets the aqua globes out of her car and gives me one. my son says, "mom, didn't you say you wanted one of those? now you can keep the plants alive." he had seen an aqua globe my mother had and told her i would like to have one. she was sweet enough to give me one, knowing my track record with live plants. thanks mom! thanks son for the vote of never-ending confidence.

**update** i just saw on this aqua globe box that globe will water your plant for up to "2 weeks". this may not be the answer i was looking for. now had this said "will water water you plant for up to 12 weeks" this would be the answers to all my problems. will update you on my progress, once i purchase a plant.

incredible pizza to ourselves

this morning we were supposed to go on a field trip with our homeschool group to the science museum. it was postponed due to the bad weather. with the prospect of not getting out of the house for the next couple of days, we decided to try to find something outside of the house to do. we settled on incredible pizza. we usually go to chuck-e-cheese, since incredible pizza is often very crowded. we did not think there would be too many people there today, and we were right. on the way there, we saw a fire truck almost lose it on the road. kind of scary when you see that. today the adult buffets were only $5 and the kid's buffets were $1.98. we had coupons for a $5 game card with every buffet purchase (in the back of your yellow pages - last page). YEAH.

the roads were slick. we had to drive 30 mph. there was literally only one other family there when we arrived. as we ate, several elderly people arrived. they were there for the buffet. when we finished with lunch, we headed into the game room. there were several workers in the game room going around to some of the games and testing them. they left the tickets there for whoever was there (us!). the kids loved it because they were able to really run around and we loved it because there weren't many people there so we weren't so paranoid. the kids played hide and seek with the officer. there was another couple there that gave us about 75 tickets. with the games we actually played ourselves, we got about 100 tickets. with the tickets we got from the games the workers had "tested" and the nice man who gave us some, we had 505 tickets.

we rode the go carts. we have never done this with the kids before. the officer and my son hopped into the front go cart. my daughter and i were in one right behind them. we were the only ones on the track. as the man was helping us make sure we were buckled in completely, he leaned down and said, "would you like to win? would anyone be very upset if you girls won?" "yeah, we want to win!", i said. he said, "i can make that happen!" we drove 10 laps. our go cart was faster. the officer could not catch up. we let them catch up to take some pictures, and then the officer pulled ahead. with two laps to go, we managed to barely win! it was a lot of fun. if you notice, the officer is in a go cart that is "sponsored" by rubbermaid and i am in a "police" go cart. i didn't even notice that until we had gotten out of the go carts.

after we finished with the games, we had some ice cream and headed home. the roads were much more slick on the way home. i asked the officer if he thought it was worth it. he said only if we make it home safe, which we did. it was a lot of fun.

shepherding a child's heart - foundation 3

get ready. i bristled in my seat this past sunday listening to this lesson. so far out of the 2 lessons i've heard and the other lesson i received the notes on this was hit the bullseye for me. it did not step on my toes, it stomped on them. as usual, i will just write the notes as he gave them to me and i will write my thoughts in green.


Foundation #3

Godward Orientation (meaning either toward God or away from God)
It is a child’s Godward orientation that determines his response to the shaping influences in his life.

Are any of you sail boaters? What determines the direction of a sailboat? The wind, the rudder, the orientation of the sail. Children respond differently to the same external circumstances depending on the Godward orientation their heart.


Proverbs 9:7-10
Whoever corrects a mocker invites insult; whoever rebukes a wicked man incurs abuse. do not rebuke a mocker or he will hate you; rebuke a wise man and he will love you. instruct a wise man and he will be wiser still; teach a righteous man and he will add to his learning. the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.

All children are born with a sinful heart – an orientation away from God. yes, even our sweet little angels.


Psalms 58:3
Even from birth the wicked go astray; from the womb they are wayward and speak lies.


Psalms 51:5
Surly I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me.


Proverbs 22:15
Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him.

Examples of an orientation toward God:

Joseph (Gen. 50:19-21)
But Joseph said to them, "Don't be afraid. Am I in the place of God? You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done the saving of many lives. So then, do not be afraid, I will provide for you and your children. And he reassured them and spoke kindly to them.


Naaman’s servant girl (II Kings 5:2-3)
Now bands from Aram had gone out and had taken captive a young girl from Israel, and she served Naaman's wife. She said to her mistress, "If only my master would see the prophet who in Samaria! He would cure hm of his leprosy."


Romans 1:16-25
I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes first for the Jew, then for the Gentile. For in the gospel a righteousness from God is revealed a righteousness that is by faith from first to last, just as it is written; "The righteous will live by faith." The wrath of God is being revealed form heaven against all the godlessness and wickedness of men who suppress the truth by their wickedness since what may be know about God is plain to them, because God had made it plain them. For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities - his eternal power and divine nature - have been clearly seen, being understood from what is been made, so that men are without excuse. For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened. Although they claimed to be wise, they became fools and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images made to look like mortal man and birds and animal and reptiles. Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another. They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshipped and served created things rather than the Creator - who is forever praised. Amen.


The unrighteous turn away from God and worship the creature rather than the Creator. In the language of Romans 1, our children either respond to God by faith or suppress the truth in unrighteousness.


All men worship something.


The heart is not neutral.


The heart is either worshipping God or worshipping idols. (PeaceMaker, pg 104-5)


here it comes .....


An idol is more than just a wood or stone statue. It is anything apart from God that we depend on to be happy, fulfilled, or secure.


It is something other than God that we set our hearts on:
Luke 12:29
And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it.


that motivates us:
I Corinthians 4:5
Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait till the Lord comes. He will bring light to what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motive of men's heart. At that time each will receive his praise from God.
this means my desire for my kids to be a certain way in front of people.. always nice, always obedient, quiet (yeah right!), always respectful, showing good manners and so on - just so i can swell with pride and say "look what we have done!" even if only in my head. i know it's there in my heart.


that masters or rules us
Ephesians 5:5
For of this you can be sure: no immoral, impure or greedy person - such a man is a idolater has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God.
well i hadn't already been born with a sinful nature, i know for sure by now i would not inherit the kingdom of God.


that we trust, fear, or serve
Isaiah 42:17
But those who trust in idols, who say to images, "You are our gods," will be turned back in utter shame.


Matthew 6:24
No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate one and love the other, or he will be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money.
as a one-income household i know i have worried about money now and then. i think just because you don't have a lot of money, it can still be your master - what you think about, what you worry about, and what you dream about (what you'd do with extra money).


Luke 12:4-5
I tell you, my friends, do not be afraid of those who kill the body and after that can do no more. But I will show you whom you should fear; Fear him who, after killing the body, has power to to throw you into hell. Yes, I tell you, fear him.
even with the officer's job, i don't worry about him a lot. there has only been one instance on his 10 years on the job, that i have worried for his safety. when we talk about the officer's job, we both usually say if he died on the job: 1. we know he would be in heaven. 2. he died doing what he absolutely loved doing. however, if you start to talk about something happening to our children. every parent's worst nightmare. that's a whole different subject. if you know us very well, i'm sure we are a little more paranoid than the average person (r.d. possibly excluded) because of the officer's line of work. we wrestle with this. do we have our trust fully in God? i am sad and ashamed to say, we have NOT mastered this.


It is something that we love and pursue more than God.
Martin Luther wrote "To whatever we look for any good thing and for refuge in every need, that is what is meant by ‘god.’ To have a god is nothing else than to trust and believe in him from the heart . . . To whatever you give your heart and entrust your being, that, I say is really your god."

worship God or worship idols?


Your heart may be worshipping idols – without even knowing it!


So let’s investigate our own hearts.


I can never lead my children to somewhere that I am not headed!

Questions to investigate my own heart – do I have idols?
What am I preoccupied with?

What is the first thing on my mind in the morning and the last thing on my mind at night?


How would I fill in the blank in this statement "If only _________________ then I would be happy, fulfilled, and secure"?

What do I want to preserve or to avoid at all costs?


Where do I put my trust?

When a certain desire is not met, do I feel frustration, anxiety, resentment, bitterness, anger, or depression?


II Kings 17:24-41 - not typing all this out - get your Bible out and read it. it talks about the foreigners in Israel worshipping God but without giving up their pagan customs. They worshiped God to appease him just adding Him to the list of idols they worshiped. have i done that? have i just listed God as the top of my idol list?


John Piper wrote "sin is what I do when I am not fully satisfied in God."

And my children will be like me!

Conclusion
You must be concerned about how you structure the shaping influences of life that are under your control. Secondly, you must be actively shepherding the Godward orientation of your children, but He will do this as He shepherds your heart toward Him. In all of this you must pray that God will work in and around your efforts and the responses of your children to make them people who know and honor God.

earlier in the lesson, it was said that you can never lead your children somewhere you are not headed. however; my sunday school teacher said, you CAN lead your children somewhere you have never been. so if you weren't raised in a godly home or if you haven't done the things you've wanted to in the past (or last week), you have hope. i can start anew every day pointing myself and in turn my kids Godward.

red flags for oklahoman homeschoolers

FYI: if you homeschool or know someone who is, let them know of this legislation. we do not want this to happen. who knows where it will stop if it does. this article is from The Oklahoman in today's paper, Tuesday, January 20, 1009 in the local/state section. if you live in oklahoma, you can go to www.ochec.com to find out who your legislators are so you can write to them and let them know how you feel. i plan on doing it.

Two bills raise red flags among Oklahoma homeschoolers

BY SHEILA STOGSDILL

Published: January 20, 2009

Parents who homeschool their children are troubled about two proposed Senate bills they say take aim at their civil rights, said Rick Williamson, Oklahoma Christian Home Educators’ Consociation spokesman.

Senate Bills 308 and 472 are scheduled to be introduced Feb. 2 when the state Legislature convenes.

Senate Bill 472 would require parents or guardians who homeschool their child to notify the local school district and provide a report of academic progress to school officials. Senate Bill 308 would let local police or truancy school officials interview and temporarily detain a child not in school.

"Both Senate Bills 308 and 472 would violate the child’s fundamental 4th Amendment rights,” Williamson said.

Williamson, whose four children were homeschooled, said the exact number of students who are homeschooled in Oklahoma isn’t known, but it’s somewhere between 9,000 and 10,000.

Currently, the state has no jurisdiction over homeschooled students, said Sen. Jim Wilson, D-Tahlequah, who is sponsoring Senate Bill 308.

Sen. Mary Easley, D-Tulsa, who is sponsoring Senate Bill 472, did not respond to messages left with her office.

On the average, homeschooled students who go into public schools are two years behind students their age, Wilson said.

"You hear examples of homeschool students excelling, but that is not the norm,” Wilson said.

Wilson cited potential abuse among some of the homeschooling parents as the reason behind the bill.

Some parents are not teaching their children but are putting them in front of a television, he said.

"I call that child abuse,” Wilson said.

Parents of homeschooled children don’t want any regulation or accountability, he said.

"If they are doing a good job, they shouldn’t mind anyone looking at their curriculum,” Wilson said.

Opponents say plans infringe on their rights. Williamson said legislation to regulate home education is usually an attempt to answer the question: "How do we stop parents who say they are home-educating and are not doing so?”
Sen. John W. Ford, R-Bartlesville, Senate Education Committee chairman, said he has received 400 to 500 e-mails opposing the bill. Ford said he opposes the bill.

Public schools are a good way to educate children, and the vast majority of Oklahomans educate their children in a public school, he said. But Oklahoma law says parents have the option of private or public schooling or homeschooling, Ford said.

With homeschooling, the state does not set the standards as in private or public schools.

"I think the way we do it today is perfectly fine,” Ford said.

"It’s up to parents what is the best way to educate their child.”

Also FYI: i got these statistics from www.ochec.com.

HOMESCHOOLING STATISTICS

Academic Statistics

The average homeschool 8th grade student performs four grade levels above the national average (Rudner study). One in four homeschool students (24.5%) are enrolled one or more grades above age level. Students who have been homeschooled their entire lives have the highest scholastic achievement. In every subject and at every grade level of the ITBS and TAP batteries, homeschool students scored significantly higher than their counterparts in public and private schools.

Homeschool profile

Median amount spent on home schooling per child in the US - $450.

Household incomes.
18% of home school families earn less than $25,000, 44% of households between $25,000and $49,000.

Religion
Over 75% attend religious services.

Television
65.3% of 4th grade homeschoolers spend one hour or less per day watching television

Regulation
States with High government regulation of home schools - homeschool battery score - 86
States with Moderate government regulation of home schools - homeschool battery score - 85
States with Low government regulation of home schools - homeschool battery score - 86

Certification

Performance of 4th grade home schoolers where at least one parent was certified - Composite Percentage Score 82

Performance of 4th grade home schoolers where neither parent was certified - Composite Percentage Score 82

Minority Performance

Home school - average reading score (white) - 87 percentile; Public school - average reading score (white) - 61 percentile

Home school - average reading score (minority) - 87 percentile; Public school - average reading score (minority) -49 percent

Home school - average math score (white) - 82 percentile; Public school - average math score (white) - 60 percentile

Home school - average math score (minority) - 77 percentile; Public school - average math score (minority) - 50 percentile

For data above reference Brian D. Ray, PhD, Home Schooling on the Threshold (NHERI Publications, PO Box 13939, Salem, OR 97309), and HSLDA, Home Education Across the USA (HSLDA, 17333 Pickwick Dr., Purcellville, VA 20132), and HSLDA, Home Schooling Works, Pass it on! Rudner Report, (HSLDA, 17333 Pickwick Dr., Purcellville, VA 20132).

shepherding a child's heart - introduction & foundation #1

i received the notes from the first week i had missed so here they are. this is straight from his notes (which in turn are from the book - shepherding a child's heart by ted tripp). if i write anything myself, it will be in green (my favorite color!)

Our culture has lost its way with respect to parenting. Why? What are some of the problems with child-rearing today? We have many people who have children but do not want to be parents. In our self-absorbed culture children are clearly a liability. Today’s parents were parented by children of the rebellion of the 60’s. We do not understand submission to authority. i think i, in particular, have a problem with this. in my marriage, the officer and i have natural reverse roles - meaning my officer has the servant heart, always has (one of the reasons i fell in love with him) and i like taking the lead. this is something we are always working on. when we aren't working hard at it, we fall back into what feels comfortable, but it doesn't not work out well because it's not how God has designed marriage. so i know if i cannot get this under control, there's no way we can teach our kids about submission to our authority, much less God's. We have a culture of indulgence and entitlement. Parents do not have a clear goal in mind for what they want their children to look like – a vision for parenting.


1. An overview of a biblical vision for parenting.


A. Authority
I want my children to learn to live under authority. God established authority: home, church, state, business. Our culture tends toward the extremes: either the crass, authoritarian "Because I said so" parent; or the wimps who want to be friends with their children. We should follow Jesus’ example of authority. Be an authority who is truly kind, who does not want the child to just do what I say, but who serves the child – lays down his life for the child. The purpose for your authority in the life of your child is not so that he will be under your power and do as you say, rather it is to empower them to become self-controlled people living freely under the control of God. yeah i can probably get my child to obey me when they are around me, but what do they do when i am not around. are they self-controlled people?

You must exercise authority, but you must do it for them, with love and respect. Children generally do not resist authority that is truly kind and selfless, that knows God, knows the, understands the world and how it works, and is committed to helping them be successful.


B. Shepherding
Not just teaching, but walking alongside with. Values and spiritual vitality must be taught, but clearly they are mostly caught. alright - i have to have all this straight before i can teach it to my children. hmmm....

Proverbs 13:20
He who walks with the wise will become wise.
Parenting is shepherding – spending time with, walking alongside.


C. The centrality of the gospel
1. Teach them that they are sinners

Romans 3:23
For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.

2. Teach them why they are sinners

I Cor. 15:22
For as in adam all die, even so in Christ all shall be made alive.

Romans 5:12
Therefore, just as through one man sin entered the world, and death through sin, and thus
death spread to all men, because all have sinned.

3. Teach them biblical standards of right and wrong and then teach them why they can’t keep
those standards. This drives them toward the gospel. Ex. Don’t teach your children to hit back
when someone hits them. (Qualify that sometimes it is good for the other person to be hit back
in order to teach them not to hit. The child might need to feel the pain of what they are doing to
others. This is teaching them to not hit, it is not teaching them to hit back.) Don’t lower God’s
standards because you know they can’t keep them. i have been guilty of this. i think "they are just kids.", but that does not mean the standards are lower for them - or for me.

4. Teach them that the hope of internal empowerment is in the gospel.

Ezekiel 36:25-27
I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you shall be clean from all your uncleanliness, and from
all your idols I will cleanse you. The grace of forgiveness is found in the gospel.
And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the
heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. The grace of internal change is
found in the gospel.
And I will put my Spirit within you, and cause you to walk in my statutes and be careful to obey
my rules. The grace of empowerment to live is found in the gospel.


5. Internalization of the gospel

Each child will examine the gospel and determine if he will embrace its truth. A child is going to hold in his hands what you present them regarding the gospel, turn it every which way, examine how it looks in your life, ask questions about it, see if it really is like you say it is.

You need to be ready to answer their questions. A child does not need to ask every question that there is to ask, but a child needs to be free to ask every question that he has. You need to grant that freedom and then answer the question. this means i need to be digging in to the Bible to be prepared to answer questions. i cannot lay back and wait. i need to be prepared - have an answer ready.

Philippians 1:9-11

And this is my prayer that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ to the glory and praise of God.

2 Timothy 4:2

Preach the word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke, and encourage - with great patience and careful instruction.

I Peter 3:15

but in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. but do this with gentleness and respect.

okay i guess this means i can't wait for the perfect bible study! :) need to dig myself. blogging this has made me dig deeper than just listening the the study on sunday mornings - so it's been good.

6. Mutuality as people under God

A parent should want to eventually walk with a child as a brother or sister in Christ, a friend.
The one that you teach, train, discipline, and pray for will eventually be your friend.


Foundation #1 – The Heart of Your Child

It is the heart of your child that you are shaping, not their behavior.

Prov. 4:23
Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.

Mark 7:15-23
There is nothing that enters a man from outside which can defile him; but the things which come of him, those are the tings that can defile a man. if any one has ears to hear, let him hear! when he had entered a house away from the crowd, His disciples asked him concerning the parable. so He said to them, "are you thus without understanding also? do you not perceive that whatever enters a man from outside cannot defile him, because it does not enter his heart but his stomach, and is eliminated, thus purifying all foods?" and He said, "what comes out of a man, that defiles a man. for from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornication,s murders, thefts, covetousness, wickedness, deceit, lewdness, and evil eye, blasphemy, pride, foolishness. all these evil things come from within and defile a man.

Matthew 15:18-20
but those things which proceed out of the mouth come from the heart, and they defile a man. for out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies. these are the things which defile a man, but to eat with unwashed hands does not defile a man.


What does this look like in training and discipline?

You must require proper behavior. But you must also help your child ask the questions that will expose to him the attitude of his heart that produced the wrong behavior. Ex: children fighting over a toy. "I had it first." How do you handle this situation? Show them that the problem is "I want my happiness and I don’t care about yours."

lesson 3 will be coming soon - just had to get the 1st foundation out of the way. so... anyone else convicted by this? anyone else see things they can work on? anyone have any good tips of how to do any of this? i'm all open for suggestions.

shepherding a child's heart -foundation 2

i have been in need some more parenting/child rearing classes. i always am in need of them. i try to read several different books, some with different views to see what i can get from them. i always go back to my good ol' what the bible says about child training by richard fugate to touch base and get me back to where i want to be. last september when our church started their sunday night classes, i had wanted to find a good bible study i could really get into. for some reason i didn't really enjoy the bible study i had attended. during the regular classes, while my kids were in children's choir, i decided to check some books out of the library and do my own bible study. the two i really enjoyed and got the most out of at the time were walking tall in babylon: raising children to be godly and wise in a perilous world by c.w. neil and preparing your daughter for every woman's battle by shannon ethridge (which i would recommend to anyone who has daugthers!!!) i have also checked out every young man's battle by steve arterburn. both of those books have to do with purity, not only sexual purity but emotional and mental purity. excellent books and never to early or late to read.

i can feel myself needing another bible study. i do really well when someone is leading the study, and i can have the book to read, notes to take down, as well as scriptures to read. i need all my senses engaged. well last week when i went to sunday school, i was pleasantly surprised when i found out one of my sunday school teachers was going to be doing a series on parenting/child rearing.

i'm all in.

my sunday school teacher has 10 kids (yes, i said 10) and when they say take advice from godly people, he is one i trust. so he said he was going to be doing the study from the book shepherding a child's heart by ted tripp. i was very excited. i can feel my patience has been waning, and i know i have been getting exhausted quicker than usual. this is probably due to a lot of things but i also know i have been more re-active than anything lately. so i have prayed for God to prepare my heart for this study (and another one i'm doing - beth moore's - esther: it's tough being a woman).

you can stop reading now if you feel like you are doing pretty good in your parenting/child rearing. sometimes we go through those times when we are doing all we should be doing. however, if sometimes you feel like you are at the end of your rope, or you have no more patience, or you feel like you are doing the same things over and over but with nothing changing, then maybe you should read on. i am basically only going to be re-writing the notes i got in sunday school, which he got from the book, just to give you something to think about. i will not insert my opinions (maybe some of my mistakes i've made though - my thoughts will be in green).

i missed the first week due to child illness, but i will get those notes and post them at a later time. there are 12 foundations, and i started the study on the 2nd foundation, but i have listed the 1st one for you.

foundation 1:
The heart of your child: it is the heart of you child that you are shaping, not their behavior. you are shaping their heart as you control their behavior.

Proverbs: 4:23
Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.


foundation 2:
Shaping influences: A child is shaped by his life experiences and how he responds and interacts to those experiences.

Ephesians 6:4
Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in training and instruction of the Lord.
Colossians 3:21
Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.

Shaping Influences:
There are 6 influences that will shape your child.
1. structure of family life - (is it a traditional family, does it revolve around the child, do the personalities blend, is it multi-generational, are there siblings, do they get along, are the grandparents saved????)

2. family values - (what's worth the fuss, where does God fit in, what is the family philosophy, what is important, what are the believes & values???)

3. family roles - (what's mom's role, what's dad's role, what role does the child and/or siblings play???)

4. family conflict resolutions (are they quietly, privately resolved, is there physical abuse, is it played out in front of everyone, is it just ignored???)

5. family responses to failure - (what is the response from mother, father, and child when their is a failure?)

6. family history - (have their been deaths, what is the spiritual make-up, has their been divorce???)

Avoid the two incorrect extremes of denial (my child is unaffected by his influences) and determinism (my child is a helpless victim of his bad circumstances or thinking there is a guarantee he will turn out great with good circumstances).

denial:
Proverbs 14:26
He who fears the Lord has a secure fortress, and for his children it will e a refuge.
Proverbs 20:7
The righteous man leads a blameless life; blessed are his children after him.
Proverbs 22:6
Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.
Proverbs 22:15
Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him.
Proverbs 23:13
Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die.
Proverbs 29:15
The rod of correction imparts wisdom; but a child left to himself disgraces his mother.
Proverbs 29:21
If a man pampers his servant from youth, he will bring him grief in the end.

determinism:
Proverbs 4:1
Listen, my sons, to a father's instruction; pay attention and gain understanding.
Proverbs 5:7
Now then, my sons, listen to me; do not turn aside from what i say.
Proverbs 7:24
Now then, my sons, listen to me, pay attention to what i say.
Proverbs 8:32
Now then, my sons, listen to me, blessed are those who keep my ways.

basically he said just because a child grows up in the worst circumstances it does not mean he will turn out to be a horrible, evil person. just because he grows up in the best circumstances (this is what hit me, both parents married, both sets of grandparents saved, attending/involved in church, homeschooling, watching what they watch on tv, listening to k-love, not celebrating some holidays, what friend's they have or who they spend time with, or who will be involved in their lives) does NOT guarantee he will chase after God and have a relationship with him.

OUCH!

it's involves both the influences (some we can control and some we cannot) that will shape your child. his experiences, how he reacts, and how he interacts with those influences will shape the person he will become. it is the heart you are after. you can only do what you know are you are to do and PRAY, PRAY HARD - the rest is up to your child and God.

that was foundation 2 - i knew i would be coming back for more. i realized this isn't going to tell me how to get my child to act better, it was going to show me how i am to do better. i'm in it for the whole ride though. went back this week for foundation 3.

i will write about it later this week. i have to absorb some it. let me tell you, it was convicting. it was about Godward orientation (your child will only serve either God or Satan - no in between!) we are either steering them toward God or away, there is no neutral ground! what do we hold as idols that we are serving - what do our children do as a result??? more to come....

coming to america

it's my turn to share a little more about myself. so i had my mom email me some details about when i was adopted. i always get the details a little fuzzy. here is what she has shared with me (for the 40th time - thanks mom!)


i was born in kunsan, south korea on or close to july 3, 1972. kunsan is on the west coast of korea. i was abandoned and left on the steps of the police station when i was a day or two old. they know this because i still had my umbilical cord. who knew the police would play such a large role in my life 25 years later. i live at the il mag won babies home for orphans up to 5 years old.

on december 10, 1972, my mom, kathryn, and adopted father, skyler visited the orphange to choose a baby. skyler was stationed in the air force stationed at kunsan. they had wanted to adopted another baby but it had died. my mom says, i cried unless skyler held me so that is how i was chosen. good thing i wasn't a quiet baby. they went to the market that night and bought me newborn baby clothes which were too big for me. i was 5 months old at the time. the next day, they took me home. my name had been myung a park. park is supposed to be as common of a last name as jones is in america. my mom had heard the name treasure and settle on it. growing up i had not really enjoyed my name, but i love it now.

on february 14, 1973, they adopted another little girl, my sister, gina. she is a year older than me. A month later, skyer had to go back to the united states but we girls could not go because our adoption papers were not finished. So my mother stayed in korea with us and we all lived in orphanage with the park family that ran it.

a little while later, i think my mother got sick and had to return to the united states. i'm thinking this is when i got this boy haircut. in the fall of 1973, they came back to korea. skyler had gotten quick orders because of the pending adoption with us two girls. both of us girls were very happy to have them back. we spent another couple of years there. apparently skyler raced motorcycles, maybe that's where the acceptance of motorcycles came from for me.

in november 1974, we finally got to come to the united states. we flew standby with skyler. it took 3 days. we moved to almogordo, new mexico to live at the holoman air force base. my younger sister, mistie was born there. my mom had said it only cost $250/each to adopt us from korea. we were considered "personal property" back then.

i am often asked if i ever wonder about my korean family. the truth is i really don't. i imagine there was some reason my birth mother had to give me up, but God placed me with my mom. he know what he was doing. i didn't fall through the cracks. he has always had me in his hand.

the officer and i often talk about how amazing it is that we are together. all the things God did to orchestrate our meeting (i.e. getting me through 8 years of college for the 4 year degree - i met the officer in my last year). i had a friend, dani, who gave me a poem in college that talked about how God will not bring two people together until both of them are ready. i had to wait an extra three years for my officer (because he is 3 years younger than me). totally worth the wait, as things God has set aside for you always are.

everyone always asks me if i know any korean words. i do not; however, my mom sent me these words. now we can all know some korean (if you can pronounce them!) :)

Korean Words
Hello - An nyong ha sim ni kka
Please - Chu sip si o
Thank you - Ko map sum ni da

Ephesians 1:5he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will.
i am not the only one who can/will be adopted. i was adopted by God when i was a senior in high school.

Psalms 145:9
the Lord is good to all; he has compassion on all he has made.

Psalms 27:10though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me.
even though my birth mother had given me up, God had someone else set aside who has never forsaken me either. i have often teased my mom because during the holidays there is always someone extra she has invited in. she has a very big heart. i thought it all started when she started working with international students, but i realize it started 36 years ago when she adopted my sister and i. i love you mom!!!!

so that's the story of how i came to america.

blessed by an almost 6 year old

originally posted november 14, 2008 on for facebook. repost you so you can get to know my son.

so my son turned six this year. he is our oldest. i cannot believe it. time just flies by. i can see him and his sister laughing outside. i feel like it was just yesterday that we had him. he came 7 weeks early. despite this he had no complications. he was very healthy, just needed to develop a little more before he could come home.

my son is not perfect by any stretch of the imagination but i have not been focusing on that these past few days. we have just been so blessed. when i thought about having kids i had wanted boys. i thought how in the world will i be able to take care of a girl! who will teach her how to cook, have manners, be feminine???? luckily God, knew my heart - He gave us both, but sent my son first to pave the way and let me know everything will work out fine.

my son is very sweet and thoughtful. when i was sick last week, he would often give me a kiss on my arm and ask me how i was feeling. he worries about us when we are not at our best. he often picks on his sister, but he is also her protector. i am so thankful that my daughter has not only her daddy to teach her how boys are suppose to treat her, but also has a brother who displays this. she will grow up knowing boys are supposed to hold open the door for her, let her go first - even if it is getting the first serving of dessert, and have someone who does not let her do dangerous things because her brother watches out for her.

he is pretty sensitive too. we read an article about ants that told us they build hills because the queen ant will store eggs in there. every since then he has been vigilant about not killing any ants or stepping on their hills. he used to be scared of them because he had been bitten by fire ants. he does not want anyone to talk about his beta fish, TREE that died earlier this year because it still makes him sad.

my son has a great memory. when he was three, he could remember a particular garage sale we got a certain toy from and everything else about it. we have always trusted his memory because more often than not, it has been correct over our memory. he stores everything up there in that brain of his. sometimes i will ask him where did i put that thing, who was there, what did we do and he can answer it.

he has great manners. okay this is aside from thinking when he farts that it is completely hilarious - i guess he is a work in progress. he know to ask to be excused from the table and clear his plate from the table when he leaves it. when we went to hobby lobby a couple of weeks ago, he broke a small ceramic pumpkins. he was stressed. i told him the correct thing to do was to take it to the cashier, tell them he broke it and ask to pay for it. we took it right to the counter and said it all to the cashier himself. "i broke this pumpkin. i'm sorry. can i pay for it?" he was relieved there was something he could do to make amends. of course, the cashier said he did not have to worry about it. they understand these things happen. good thing because i broke the head off a pilgrim boy last week when i went in. he knows to say thank you and please. these are manners all kids have but it is nice when your child has mastered them.

he is very organized. i do not know where he got that from. since we redid his room and he has a bin for everything his room has not been messy for 2 weeks. he likes all the bins we have for his toys and likes that everything has a place. he has a place on his dresser for things he calls 'my specials'. these are things people have given him or things that remind him of a good time he had somewhere, i.e. coins and a dog tag from soldier dave, a picture of him and his daddy, and a blue wax seal we got from the zoo. he put a turkey hand decorated with sequins from a friend on his dresser this morning.

he is my rules boy. i never had to worry about him getting into stuff. of course i did have things child proofed, but he was not an inquisitive boy. if you told him the rules, he would stick by them. if he got toys taken away and put in a box for two day, i could leave the box in his room and know he would NOT touch the toys until he was told he could. he would even come to me and tell me if he found part of a toy that was put in the box and say, "shouldn't this go in the box since it belongs to the bionicles?" he is very comfortable within structure. this is probably why he enjoys tae kwon do so much. God was just preparing the way so i would be a little broken in for the time when our daughter arrived. she is the opposite of my son in a lot of ways. we realize there are things we have to do to break our son out of his comfort zone (it is sometimes harder to do than reigning in our daughter). however, i like the rules. my husband definitely likes the rules. my son is just following in our footsteps.

i have been just reminiscing these past few day since my son's birthday. i am so thankful God has given us our son the time to spend with our son for the past 6 years. i hope we have all the rest of our lives to enjoy him and see him grow into a man with character who loves God above all.

blessed by an almost 4 year old

originally posted on facebook on november 25, 2008. i am reposting it here so you can get to know my daughter.

my daughter will be 4 in a couple of weeks. since i did this for my son, i thought i had better do it for my daughter also. i wrote about the many ways i am blessed and thankful for my son. i write these blogs, and cut and paste them into a "letter" to my kids for when they are older. i have done this since my daughter was about 4 months. i love going back and reading what my kids did when they were 6 months old, a year old, 18 months old and how they have changed just over the last few months. sometimes i do not write for more than a month, but i still love the idea of letting the kids in on what they were like when they were smaller.

my daughter - well.... she is a breath of fresh air. again, let me preface this with she is NOT perfect, in fact she is clumsy, forgetful, silly, but also thoughtful, sweet, and can ALWAYS bring a smile to my face.

she was born 3 weeks early. when she came home from the hospital, she had jaundice. for the first two weeks of her life, she had to go to the lab and have her heel pricked until her billirubin went down. she had to sleep in a lamp bed for the first 4 days home. it was hard because she was in our house, but we could not hold her except for an hour a day. sometimes, if the sun was shining really bright, we would get her out of her lamp bed, put her on my bed naked so she could soak up God's sunlight. in some strange way i think this helped my son with the adjustment of having his new sister in the house. she was there, but he was eased into the idea of her. he would come in and check in on her in lamp bed, touch her hair, and say hi. it was so sweet. i prayed he would be a protector for her and it started even then.

my daughter was a happy baby. she loved to be swaddled tightly - i mean TIGHTLY. my husband said she looked like a little korean burrito. she was so different from my son in so many ways. you could tell by the time she was about 6 months old. she was pretty much the "happy go lucky" kind of girl. she loved to laugh at her brother. she loved to have books read to her. she loved spend time with her daddy.

she loved to eat - she LOVED to eat. when it would take my son several attempt to try new foods, my daughter would eat anything and everything. she is still like that today. she will try anything new, unless someone around her has said it is yucky. one of her favorite foods is kimbobs (mom's personal favorite). it is a korean food. it has vegetables & beef rolled in the middle of rice wrapped in seaweed. they are about and inch in a half in diameter and she can pop a whole one in her mouth. the only food she would not eat was mashed potatoes. however, one day she said she wanted to try them and now she loves them.

she is very athletic. she is muscular like her daddy. i think she is going to have his build - the wide shoulders and natural athletic build. she is in gymnastics right now and she loves it. she can do a very well arched bridge. she loves to run. she has learned to walk now, but when she was little younger she did not walk anywhere. it was always running. also along with the running came the falling. when she was two, you would have thought we beat her. she had bruises up and down her legs from running all out and bumping into something or falling over something. most of the time, she just popped up for a quick kiss from mommy and was on her way running to something else. she will not be outdone by her brother. although her brother can do a few more things than she can because of his age, anything he will try she is determined to try too. at one point, she could beat her brother in a foot race. when she was outside today, i noticed she has learned to swing all by herself. no more asking daddy to push her (which he would always stop what he was doing to push her in the swing - i bet he is going to miss her asking). her brother was outside with her today showing her how to step back, pull your feet up, and pump your legs. he jumped out of his swing while he was swinging high, and wouldn't you know it, she was right behind him. he jumps off the slide at the halfway point, and so does she.

she loves her daddy! daddy takes her on ice cream dates and she has come to really love these times. she looks forward to them. so does he. he wants to teach her how a boy is supposed to treat her. she tells me all about it when they get home. i hope she will always treasure this time.

she loves her brother. she will play star wars with him and be princess lea or yoda. she will build legos with him. she will "cook" up a whole gourmet meal for him (you know i did not teach her this - so maybe there is hope for her future husband yet!). it was not uncommon when she was a little younger to find her curled up in her brother's bed. of course she would curl up and go to sleep anywhere. we found her on the floor by her bed, at her door, in the big chair in our front room, by our bed, in our laundry pile, at the foot of our bed or we would roll over and find her in our bed.

she loves her mother. i know it will not always be like this but we have this connection. i know every mother does to her daughter. i love just laying in bed beside her and talking to her. she gets so excited about all the small things in life. she loves mandisa, probably because i do too. when we hear her song "only the world" on the radio, she will find me in the house and turn up the music to dancing level. she loves to crawl in bed with me and put her cold feet on my legs. most people cringe at this - daddy is one of those people. i love it though. i love it when her cold little toes wriggle against my leg to find warmth. i will miss when those toes stop that.

she is very forgiving. she is very sweet. she has her own vocabulary - you can check prior blogs to get an example of this. she is very thoughtful. she is very forgetful (this may seem like a negative but it is also a positive. when you say forgive and forget. she will do it. she does not hold grudges). she cannot go long without smiling. she loves animals. she loves babies (real or toys) i love how she tucks her hair behind her ears. i love how she grabs my cheeks and squeezes them together right before she gives me a kiss. i love how she is very independent. she wanted to do things on her own way before her brother did. i love how she has BROWN hair - oh wait that's just my hair color envy creeping in. i love how she says she has a sister in her sunday school class, but has no idea what her name is. i love how she calls her eczema on her arm her "exit". i love how she laughs and giggles so hard. i love how she hops or runs everywhere. i love how she grabs for my hand when we are walking side by side. i love how she will try to imitate her brother doing tae kwon do. i love her heart that she shares with the ones she loves. i love how she is a girly girl - she loves playing with dolls, purses, cell phones & polly pockets. however, i love how she is NOT a girly girl - she is a tough cookie, after she gets her band-aid she is good, and she does not mind wearing her brother's hand me down boy pajamas. she will play in the sand and get dirty longer than all the boys.

i was a little nervous having a girl. who is going to teach her to feminine? who is going to teach her to be a good wife and mother? it is interesting because she has taught me how to appreciate the girly girl things more. i am so in awe of how God meets all our needs and wants in so many ways, even when we do not think it is possible.