get plugged in

i was reading an email this afternoon for our homeschool group. it was letting me know about a movie get together. there were several suggestions for movies. one movie we have seen, UP, and several we had not. the person who wrote the email included links to a site called plugged in. focus on the family runs the website. i remember hearing about the plugged in website long ago.

the officer and i usually try to watch every movie before we let the kids watch it. we only let them was g-rated movies, but that's not the only standard. we don't just want to know if there are cuss words, sexuality, or other inappropriate stuff like that in the movies. we also want to know, are they disrespectful to authorities, are their attitudes bad, and how does the movie portray God? there is more we look for, but those are a few.

anyhow, when i read the email today i looked at the link provided for each movie. when you go to the plugged in website, there is a list of current movies in the theaters now. there is also a place where you can look up specific movies.

in each movie review, you will get a synopsis of the movie. they will tell you the positive and negative elements of the movie, what the spiritual, language, drug/alcohol and violent content is, and give you an overall summary of the movie. they go into pretty good detail. they will tell you exactly what profane language is used. they about sexual innuendos, people smoking in the background, and exactly what kind of violence takes place.

plugged in also reviews television shows, video games, music, and movie rentals. so if you are wondering about a movie or televisions show, you can go to pluggedin.com and it will give you a very good idea of what to expect. it probably will not replace you seeing the movie or television show and forming an opinion yourself, but it will help greatly.

created for purity - part 5

**if you are under 18, please ask you parents if you can read this post about sexual purity. some of the content you parents may want to discuss with you before you read it. thanks!**

this study was put together by Josh Bullard. you can find/order the workbook or video dvd series on his website created for purity.


Emotional Purity

Proverbs 4:23
"Keep your heart with all diligence, for out if spring the issues of life."

Mark 7:21-23
"For from within, out of men's hearts, come evil thought, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, greed, malice, deceit, lewdness, envy, slander, arrogance, and folly. All of these evils from from inside and make a man 'unclean.'"

in the 7 laws of the learner course notebook dr. bruce h. wilkinson says "parents need to strive to protect a guy's mind. have an internet filter in place. talk about having standards and about handling visual temptation because he will face it nearly every day. with a girl, help her protect her heart. when her heart is exposed, she is most at risk sexually, just as when his eyes are exposed, he is at risk sexually. as parents we need to protect her heart and his eyes."

1. teach your children not to give away any of their heart by becoming emotionally attached.

2. teach your children to help other maintain and protect their emotional purity by treating them with honor and respect.

Part 1

Differences between boys and girls

we need to teach these differences to boys and girls. teach girls how boy are stimulated and teach boys how girls are stimulated because they do not know this.

boys are stimulated
1. primarily by sight/visually. therefore, girls be cautious how you dress. dress modestly and appropriately. do not wear tight or low-cut tops, tight or short skirts, tight or short shorts. be cautious how you sit, how you walk, and how you move your body.

Job 31:1
"I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a girl."

2. secondarily by touch. therefore, girls be careful how you touch boys. do not bump into them with your chest or hips. do not sit on their laps, do not ride piggy-back. you may be sending messages that you do not me;an to be sending, and you are definitely defrauding - you are stirring up desires that cannot be fulfilled.

you may think you are only touching when you use your hands. however, boys feel touch with their entire body. they feel with their arm if you touch them on the arm. they feel with their knee if your leg accidentally touches their knee. they feel with their back you getting a piggy-back ride.

girls are stimulated
1. primarily by emotional bonding in relationships. therefore, boys do not lead a girl on; do not share just enough of your emotions with a girl to make her think that you like her. do not say "i love you," or "you are the most awesome girl i know, " or "i'll always be yours." realize that girls long for affection, and some are not receiving what they long for in their homes, so they seek for it elsewhere.

what he has said to you, he's said to the girl before him, and he will say to the girl after you, do don't think it means too much.

2. secondarily by touch
girls interpret romantic touching - holding hands, kissing, etc - as signs of affection. boys just touch because it feels good, not because they mean to be displaying affection. t hat is why a boy can makeout with a girl one weekend, break up in the middle of the week, and makeout with another girl the next weekend. the girl cannot understand how he could do such a mean thing, and boy cannot understand why the first girlfriend is getting so upset. so boys, do not take advantage of a girl by touching her.

there was a book josh recommended that was about modesty for a girl. it's a small, short book. it's called secret keeper: the delicate power of modesty by dannah gresh. he's read a lot of books and he said this was one of the best. i don't have this yet, but i will be purchasing it.

a great book that was also recommended and we have for little girls is the princess and the kiss by jennie bishop. we love this book. it's about a princess who trusts her parents to help her find a prince and she saves her first kiss for him.

created for purity - part 4

**if you are under 18, please ask you parents if you can read this post about sexual purity. some of the content you parents may want to discuss with you before you read it. thanks!**

this study was put together by Josh Bullard. you can find/order the workbook or video dvd series on his website created for purity.

Galatians 6:7-9
"Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting. And let us not be weary in well doing; for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not."

Hebrews 11:24-25
"He [Moses] chose to be mistreated along with the people of God rather than to enjoy the pleasures of sin for a short time."

teach your children the danger of increasing physical intimacy and the blessing of refraining from physical intimacy.

review of God's standard for sexual purity: no adultery, no fornication, no lusting, no defrauding.

there is a progression of physical intimacy. the longer the amount of time two people spend together alone, the more likely this is to happen.

progression of physical intimacy
1. holding hands
2. hug
3. arm around shoulder
4. kiss (this one is divided into two sections: 1. a peck (affectionate- closed mouth) and 2. french-kissing/making out (passionate - opened mouth)
5. petting - inappropriate touch
6. sexual relationship (husband/wife)


there are three things to consider when helping your children consider where they will draw their line.

1. maturity - the ability and desire to postpone pleasure or ability to delay gratification.

how mature are your children?

2. law of diminishing returns: when something ceases to accomplish what we want it to accomplish, we search for more. in the case of sex, it means that something which previously brought pleasure (for example, kissing) will eventually lose its glamor. more physical activity will be needed to reach the same level of pleasure.

3. human nature pushes up against boundaries. when you live at the line, you may step over it. draw a black line on the progession of physical intimacy and be conservative. look just beyond it (the next step). would God be pleased if you took that next step. think seriously about moving it back even one more step. that way if you step over the line, you may not have lasting damage.

when we looked at the progression of physical intimacy chart in the bible study, josh told us to look at each step. look at the God's 4 standards for sexual purity: adultery, fornication, lusting, defrauding. do any of the steps cause us to sin? for example, does having sex outside of marriage cause us to sin? yes it does. God says plainly no adultery (sex outside of marriage), no fornication, do not lust and no defrauding. does petting cause us to sin? yes - the Bible says to flee fornication, no lusting, no defrauding. does french kissing cause us to sin? maybe not all, but for most yes. no fornication, no lusting, no defrauding. can we make out/french kiss without lusting or defrauding? does a peck on the cheek or lips cause us to sin? most likely not. there is a definite black line on this chart where every one will sin if they go over. however, some people's black line maybe one step beyond or before others. you can't just look at yourself though. you have to keep your boyfriend/girlfriend in mind too.
what do you want to have to tell your future spouse that you did with all your past boyfriends/girlfriends? what do you want your future spouse to have done with someone else? would we ever want to share our spouse like that? how special would it be if you knew your spouse had never kissed, touched, or had sex with any other person other than you?

I Corinthians 6:18
"Flee fornication."

II Timothy 2:22
"Flee youthful lusts."

josh mcdowell says "on e of the worst preparations for marriage is to become passionate before it take place. may women today complain that their husbands don't know how to express intimacy and affection outside the bedroom."

we made a list of things we want in a marriage and things we did not want in marriage. do this with your (older) children. how do we get those things? how do we make sure some of those things don't happen?

here are some homework questions from the workbook.

1. what benefits will any physical intimacy you experience in your relationships now bring to your marriage (question for your children)?

2. what difficulties will the physical intimacy you experience in your relationships now bring to your marriage (question for your children)?

3. what benefits do you want your children to experience, and what difficulties do you want your children to avoid in their marriage?

4. do you think your children have the maturity to look ahead to their future marriages and see that what they are doing now is going to affect the quality of their marriages/ if so, how did they gain that foresight? if not, then how can you help them look ahead and protect themselves and their future?

5. how does pre-marital physical contact (even physical contact far short of sexual intercourse) affect the issue of trust between husband and wife?

are you overwhelmed? i am. that's why i am taking this when my children are 6 and 4. i've made mistakes in my past that i wish could take back, but i can't. i wish i had heard some of this way before i started dating. the officer and i had not dated many before we got married. that has always been a blessing. we did not have a lot of "baggage" we brought to the marriage because of that. however, i wonder if i had known about all this when i was younger what more of a difference it would have made.

i love the drawing a conservative black line on the physical intimacy chart and then backing it up one step. it probably is inevitable that we will go over the boundary whether we try to or not. the speed of the progression of the chart is based on how much time is spent alone with boyfriend/girlfriend, so i have to keep that in mind. letting kids go out on 5 hour dates is just asking for trouble. josh had suggested just keeping it to something like 2 hours out - a dinner or a movie - not necessarily both.

all interesting things to think about and to discuss with our growing kids! :) i have started praying now - actually i started praying for my children's spouses before they were born. i need to be more specific though. God will hear those prayers.

created for purity - part 3

**if you are under 18, please ask you parents if you can read this post about sexual purity. some of the content your parents may want to discuss with you before you read it. thanks!**

this study was put together by Josh Bullard. you can find/order the workbook or a video dvd series on his website created for purity.

God's View of Sexual Purity

we need to teach our children about sexual purity. we need to teach them the standards, guidelines, and rules. teaching them it is for their good, benefit and blessing and for God's glory.

dannah gresh was quoted in light magazine as saying, "and parents need to pull themselves out of the culture. parents talk about pulling their kids out of the culture, forbidding them to go to this movie or watch this tv show. yet many times parents don't have a problem seeing the same movie or watching that tv show or chucking along with the laugh track on any of the television's sex-laced situation comedies. we have to extract ourselves form the culture just like we expect our children to do.

I Peter 1:15,16
But as He who called you is holy, you also must be holy in all your conduct, because it is written, "Be holy, for I am holy."

there are 4 things the Bible talks about regarding God's view of sexual purity.


1. God forbids adultery - sex with anyone other than your mate or sex outside of marriage.

Exodus 20:14
"Thou shalt not commit adultery."

Proverbs 6:32
"But a man who commits adultery lacks judgment; whoever does so destroys himself."

many christians believe, or at least act like they believe, that God's standard for sexual purity stops here. and many parents stop their teaching here. "just don't get pregnant." "don't get her pregnant."

God's standard for sexual purity is really much higher than just "no adultery" or "stay a virgin until you are married."


2. God forbids fornication - any illicit sexual activity or any sexual activity outside of God's boundaries. i.e. pornography, watching sexual scenes in a movie.
the greek word for fornication is porneia.

I Corinthians 6:18
"Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body."

I Corinthians 10:12-14
"So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall! No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it. Therefore, my dear friends, flee from idolatry."

I Timothy 6:10, 11
"and is well known for her good deeds, such as bringing up children, showing hospitality, washing the feet of the saints, helping those in trouble and devoting herself to all kinds of good deeds. As for younger widows, do not put them on such a
list. for when their sensual desires overcome their dedication to Christ, they want to marry."

II Timothy 2:22
"Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart."

Proverbs 4:23
"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life."

Jesus was primarily concerned about the heart because our actions flow out of the heart. the internal thoughts dictate the external behavior.

Matthew 15:18,19
"But the things that come out of the mouth come from the heart, and these make a man "unclean." For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander."


3. God forbids lusting - the desire or craving for anything that is forbidden. fantasizing and thinking about how good something would feel.

Matthew 5:27,28
"You have heard that it was said, "Do not commit adultery." But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart."


4. God forbids defrauding - to arouse sexually outside the bounds of God's limit. the limit for sexual arousal is different for everyone. if someone comes from a very touchy, feely family, their sexual arousal limit may be higher than a person who comes from a non-affectionate family.

God's standard for sex is purity - not virginity.

Why?

Because God is pure. All his standards flow out of his character.

I John 3:2,3
"Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when he appears we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is. Everyone who has this hope in him purifies himself, just as he is pure."

Habakkuk 1:13
"Your eyes are too pure to look on evil; you cannot tolerate wrong. Why then do you tolerate the treacherous? Why are you silent while the wicked swallow up those more righteous than themselves?"

Ephesians 5:3
"But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people.

I Thessalonians 4:3-7
"It is God's will that you should be sanctified; that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God; and that in this matter no one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him. The lord will punish men for all such sins, as we have already told you and warned you. For God did call us to be impure, but to live a holy life."

here are some questions the workbook asks me.

when you were raised, the view of sexual purity that you were taught included which of the following?

no adultery no sexual activity no lusting no defrauding

reflect for a few minutes on how you were trained and then write down the things that come to your mind regarding sexual purity that you were taught by an authority figure in your life; parents, grandparents, pastor, youth pastor, teacher, coach, etc.

do you want your children to have the same view of sexual purity that you had?

if you answered "yes," then write down in what ways your children are being trained as you were trained.

if you answered "no," then write down how your children are going to be trained differently than you were trained.

at what age do you believe that it is appropriate and advantageous to share with your child the biological details of sex?

do you believe that it is necessary to talk with your children about sex at a younger age today than it was necessary fifteen or twenty years ago? if so, why?

what "everyday" situations or experiences would provide opportunities for you to very naturally share with your child some aspect of sex or the sanctity of sex?

richard ross, one of the founders of the true love waits campaign, says that "sex must be made a natural part of the flow of life." how can you or your spouse made this a reality in your home?

created for purity - part 2

**if you are under 18, please ask you parents if you can read this post about sexual purity. some of the content your parents may want to discuss with you before you read it. thanks!**

this study was put together by Josh Bullard. you can find/order the workbook or a video dvd series on his website created for purity.

God's View of Sex

the study starts out with several good quotes.

dennis rainey says, "the reason so many christian parents are struggling today is that they do not know what they believe and have not determined the standards, boundaries, and convictions for their children."

i think this is true for a lot of parents. we think we can wait until they are teenagers to have to deal with some of this. however, i think there's a lot to be said about figuring out our standards, boundaries and convictions now while our children are young (mine are 6 & 4).

dr. howard hendricks thinks if you want to change a person permanently, change his thinking not his behavior.

a study by josh mcdowell .... found the preferred source of sexual information for christian teenagers was not books their youth pastor, their school teachers or friends; it was their mom and dad.

i think this is shocking for most parents. it was for me. you think your children do not want to talk to you about sex, but they do - they just act like they don't. they do want to talk to their friends, but they also know their friends may not know everything or may be misinformed.

teach your children God's view of sex. they will hear it from somewhere. you want them to hear it from you and hear about God's truth about sex.


1. God created sex.

Genesis 1:27
"So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them."

John Piper asks Why did God create us sexual beings? God created us sexual being so he would have verbiage in place with with which to communicate to use the intensity of his love for us. words like bride, groom, prostitute and many other words.


2. sex is for procreation (having children) in marriage.

Genesis 1:28a
"God blessed them and said to them, "Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth."

if you children ask you about sex, keep talk as long as they keep asking questions. keep the answer simple, direct, and honest (age appropriate).


3. sex is for intimacy in marriage.

Genesis 4:1
"Adam lay with his wife Eve, and she became pregnant and gave birth to Cain. She said, "With the help of the Lord I have brought for a man."

sex is one of the ways husbands/wives get to know each other more than anyone else in the world.


4. sex is for pleasure in marriage.

this is the point where Satan twists it. we are tempted to do things that make us feel good. God designed sex for marriage, but Satan twists/perverts it. even though it may feel good for a short amount of time, it will damage us in the end.

Proverbs 5:18b-19
"Rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love."


5. sex was created to be enjoyed by a man and a woman in marriage.

marriage shows the world God's faithfulness to us. it was God's design for marriage to between a man and a woman.

Romans 1:26-27
"Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural relation for unnatural ones. In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed indecent acts with other men, and received themselves the due penalty for their perversion."


in romans 10:14 paul makes the following statement about belief in Jesus: "how shall they believe in him of whom they have not heard?"

the same principle apples regarding the beliefs of your children: how shall they believe that which they have never heard?

how well are you doing in making sure that your children hear the right things (God's truth) about sex?

what can you begin doing now that will help you prepare yourself to teach your children?

your children need to know that sex is worth the wait. how can you begin teaching them this truth?

josh mcdowell write the following regarding the beauty of sex in the marriage relationship.

God has set sex aside for marriage for the protection ad happiness of people. sex within marriage brings increased unity and opportunity to give pleasure to your spouse, as well as to find pleasure yourself. sex outside of marriage brings a momentary thrill, a release, a way to block out problems, but it brings with it an avalanche of negative consequences.

simply said, sex within marriage is within God's design and is good; sex outside of marriage is outside God's design and cannot ultimately b good. it might feel good for a moment, but sin can never be a good thing.

by reserving sex for marriage, God protects us from emotional hurt, from disease, from damaged relationships, from the misery that accompanies sin. sex needs the commitment, trust and longevity that marriage can provide....

just as sex is safe and free within the limits of God's protection, it is also able to reach its fullest and most exciting potential within those limit. there is no fear of rejection, no need to pretend, no need to sneak around, no guilt, no fear of a baby ruining your
life. this is God's provision for sex within marriage.

next is God's view of sexual purity.

created for purity - part 1

**if you are under 18, please ask you parents if you can read this post about sexual purity. some of the content your parents may want to discuss with you before you read it. thanks!**

a couple of weeks ago we started new classes on sunday night at church. the officer is attending a revelations/end times class and i am attending a class called created for purity. it's about how to grow children who are sexually pure. the class does not cover just physical sexual purity, but emotional purity as well. i have been through the class before but it's been years. as we finished up our parenting/child training class in sunday school i was thinking to myself, "i wish my sunday school teacher would do the created for purity class again so i can take much better notes." then i notice it will be offered this semester on sunday nights. it's a 7 week long class. i was very excited.

my kids are 6 & 4 and i am sure some of you might think - do you need to take a sexual purity class now? your kids are still so young. however, i think now is the perfect time. okay well i admit i am one of those who likes to prepare - i went to the homeschool convention when my son was 2, i like to have 6 months to plan birthday parties (so i can find things on clearance/sale), and i read parenting books while i was pregnant. i like to have all the information now because it also takes me a little time to implement it into my brain. i have to figure out a way to do things before the time happens.

my daughter is turning 5 this year. she is soon moving out of the "baby/toddler" section in many clothing stores. have you seen some of the clothes they have for tweens? it's not too early to be thinking about sexual purity even at 4 or 5 years old.

i do not usually give out any kind of personal information about anyone on this blog. however, since my sunday school teacher has a site where you can purchase the created for purity i think it is okay to tell you a little bit about him. i'm not telling you anything you can't find on the website. his name is josh bullard. he is the headmaster of christian heritage academy. he and his wife, genel, have been married for 24 years. they have 10 children - no you didn't read that wrong - i typed 10 children. i take in every bit of advice he gives. i may not use it, but you can listen to the advice of a godly, christian man with 10 children.

as i said before, the study started about two weeks ago. the first week was an introduction. it was shocking. josh gave some statistics about sex in our society today. i am not going to tell you everything he said, but two things really stuck out to me. i went through junior high and high school in the 80s. it was a big deal to "make out" with a boy. back then "making out" with a boy was considered kissing - a lot (or at least that's what i thought it was at the time.) josh read several articles about today's youth. the common makeout session has gone from kissing a lot to heavy petting and oral sex. did your mouth just pop open? yep - you read that last part right. when josh read that, i couldn't believe it had come to that. there was another article that talked about "friends with benefits" - friends who have sex but were not supposed to have emotional feelings toward each other. josh has done this study for several local churches. after he did this study at henderson hills, edmond, he received an email from a lady. she said she was nervous about sending her son to middle school. she was nervous about all the older kids, what her son would hear about (regarding sex), and about the sex portable. what's the sex portable you ask? apparently one of the middle schools has a portable building the kids use during the school day to have sex. this is a known thing. those things just blew my mind. the youth today have advanced so far there's not much else left for them to move onto. they give so much of themselves away, when they finally give their virginity away, does it mean something - anything?

another thing discussed in this introduction session was "why don't we talk to our children about this?" josh polled us. he asked us "how many of our parents had talked to us about sex?" only one person raised her hand. she was an exception. she is an older woman and her mother actually talked to her about sex - what it was, why God wanted us to wait and so forth. josh said typically when he polls his audience about 5% of the group raises their hand on this questions. of that 5% whose parents talked to them about sex, approximately half of them said the "talk" consisted only of the "don't have sex, don't get pregnant" talk. most parents left it up to the kids to find out about sex. so where do kids find out about sex - friends, school, television, internet, and other avenues. how do you think these portray sex? the main reasons given in our class as to why parents do not talk to their children about sex were: they don't know how because their parents didn't talk to them, they don't know where to start, parents feel guilty about their own past, parents don't know exactly how they feel about sex - have not determined their boundaries, values or convictions, and it's just uncomfortable. josh had many articles that said children wanted to learn about sex from their parents. the kids may be completely mortified by parents talking about sex with them, but they still wanted to hear from them. the parents were the biggest influence on their sexual activity - not that they would always so what the parents would like, but they cared very much about what their parents would say/think. parents have more of an influence than they think on their kids.

that was the first session. i left there thinking, "yeah i need this now!" i don't want to wait until my daughter and son are 10 & 12 to talk to them about being sexually pure. the dialogue has to start now (more with my son at age 7 then my daughter, but i have to be open to any questions, get used to feeling uncomfortable, and get over it.) i think just covering all the "statistics" he covered was enough for the introduction session. :) i left there thinking i wonder why more parents aren't in this class. our church is considered "big", and we only have 8 adults (one adult is josh's wife, genel) and josh's 3 daughter are attending the class. maybe it's just too uncomfortable an issue.

so as i have done with any other studies i have blogged about, i will write all the teacher's notes in black and any of my thoughts will be in green. in a couple of days i will post the first session in the book - God's view on sex. there is good stuff already. are you ready for this? i thought, "okay i'm ready!" but after coming out of the introduction session, i realize it's still a completely uncomfortable topic and will always will be. the first two weeks in the study cover God's view on sex and God's view on sexual purity. the last three sessions cover physical purity and emotional purity. it gets into practical things we can do. josh said this study if for parents with kids you are not yet teenagers. it's never too late to take this study and apply it. he has a video series you can purchase on his website. if nothing else, this should prompt some discussion in your family. discussion that needs to happen. if you aren't telling your children about sex, who is? what are they learning? what do they think about sex? what do they think about dating? these are questions that need to be discussed.

**update** as my daughter was laying in bed , she yelled out, "how do babies come out of your belly?" yeah - this class is perfect timing.

building Godly character in your children

this week in sunday school we had one of our sunday school members, mr. r teach the lesson. it was about building Godly character in your children. mr. r works for character first and travels around the world teaching people how to teach the character first curriculm. did that make sense??? due to time, he was unable to complete the lesson, but he said some really great things i'd like to share.

there are 40 character qualities. don't worry i won't list them all here, but you can click here to find out what they are and their definitions. they are all great!

basically mr. r taught about building character three different ways - by teaching, praising and correcting (the last one is the one he was unable to get to). we are trying to grow character. it is not something that is naturally known how to do. he used the illustration that growing character is like shoveling snow. you are shoveling it all on, making a huge pile. it may not make any sense to your children now, but at some point it will all start to melt and soak in. i liked the illustration. sometimes i think, why should i do that now, they don't even understand the concept, but they will at some point. i want them to say, "oh we've always done that, not we've never done that so why do it now."

i'd like to share just a couple of things that stuck out to me when mr. r was teaching.

teaching

Deuteronomy 6:6-7
"And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up."

1. our teaching can often revolve around conflict only. we tell the kids what they should be/have done only when there is a problem or fight.

2. we need to teach around times of non-conflict. they will have more of tendency to listen to you. you will have more of an impact when you are not angry, frustrated, or irritated.

3. we should be systematic about it. it would help if you followed a schedule. the example mr. r gave was having a time of reading the Bible or devotion time right after dinner. have a set aside time of when you and your children would spend time talking about having a Christ-like or godly character.

4. we should teach by example. however, mr. r did not only mean our example. he suggested pointing out other people who are good examples. find someone your kids admire/look up to and explain to the kids why they look up to them. do they find them honest, dependable, generous, creative, patient, loyal or resourceful? discuss why these qualities are good to have. also take time to point out bad examples: people who are careless, inconsistent, prejudice, hypocrite, deceptive, impure, arrogant, or selfish and discuss them.

5. many people in our class shared books/stories they read to their children that help teach character. i have not read all these book, but i did write some of them down. here are some titles or names of authors that were mention (i added a link to amazon.com for the books)

Mildred Martin - Wisdom and the Millers
Frank Peretti - he has a series of book about the Cooper kids. it's suggest for older elementary age.
The Weed with an Ill Name
Janette Oke - she has a series of animal books
Ron Hamilton - Patch the Pirate
Paws and Tales
Laura Ingalls Wilder - entire little house on the prairie series

if you have another suggestion of great books that help teach character, please leave a comment at the end of the post.

praise

Proverbs 23: 15-16
"My son, if your heart is wise, my heart will rejoice - indeed, I myself; Yes, my inmost being will rejoice when your lips speak right things."

III John 4
"I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth."

so let me just admit this now, i have trouble with this. i mean i have to make an intentional effort to praise. i may think something, but i don't always say it. i tend get into the rut of teaching around conflict. maybe i have too much going on or something, but i find myself doing it. i have to say to myself, "make sure you tell him he did a great job, and make sure you praise her for doing it correctly."

1. mr. r said something that hit me like a ton of bricks. he said, "whoever praises your children will capture their heart." hmmm.... i understand what he's saying. he said that whenever you praise someone you do make them feel good and you become more attractive (not physically) to them. why do we think so many girls are attracted to boys who compliment them or so many boys like the girls who they are a "hot"?

2. often the reason we do not praise is because of our expectations. we expect them to do things: clean their room, pick up their toys, set the table, put their dirty clothes in the laundry basket, so we don't show appreciation. even though they are expected to do it, it is nice to hear a "thank you" or a "good job". even though i make dinner every day - okay not every day :) - it is nice to hear "that was a great meal mom" or "thanks for cooking dinner".

3. if it's worth correcting when wrong, then it's worth praising when it's right.

4. we often expect perfection from our kids. we will average out how well they do things. mr. r gave the example of a son who loses his temper often. he may lose his temper 4 times in a week and then not lose it the 5 time when he could have. we might think, "i'm not going to say anything about not losing his temper because he will just lose it tomorrow." instead we should praise him for controlling his temper that one time. our goal is not perfection. our goal is to motivate growth.

5. we must be specific. don't just say "good job son!" praise how they handled a specific situation. don't use always, never, or general works like that. we want our praise to have credibility. mr. r said you can do a:

2 second praise: thank you
3 second praise: thank you for picking up your toys
4 second praise: thank you for picking up your toys, it's very responsible of you.
5 second praise: thank you for pickup up your toys, it's very responsible of you and i'm proud of you.

6. deal with character and not just achievements. we always tell them we are proud of them when the achieve something: straight A's, a blue belt in tae kwon do, but we need to make sure we praise them for not being selfish, sharing a toy, or keeping their word.

7. don't compare one kid against another. don't say, "why can't you do what your brother does?" or "so and so doesn't do that."

8. don't criticize.

i made an intentional effort to praise my son and daughter more. i saw a difference in my son. not that i didn't see a difference in my daughter, but my son's attitude was markedly different. i saw joy in my son's eyes to know i was proud of him. i saw earnestness in my son's eyes when he tried to complete tasks i had asked him to do. it can make a difference. if you spend most of your time, criticizing, complaining, or getting onto them and not enough time praising and appreciating them, you fill their hearts with all the negative. what comes out of the mouth, comes from the heart.

Luke 6:45
"The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks."

correct

Proverbs 29:17
"Correct your son, and he will give you rest; yes, he will give delight to your soul."

Proverbs 3:11-12
"My son, do not despise the chastening of the Lord nor detest His correction; for whom the Lord love He corrects, just as a father the son in whom he delights."

this is where mr. r ran out of time, but it's been good stuff so far hasn't it? i don't know if he will finish next week. if he does, i will come back and complete this. check back in.

shepherding a child's heart - foundation 7

it's that time again and this one is long. again this is all from sheperding a child's heart by tedd tripp. i am basically copying my sunday school teacher's notes and excerpts from the book verbatim. scriptures will be in yellow and my thoughts and comments will be in green. there's a lot to cover so this will broken down into two parts. this is the first part: communication. the second part will be about the rod. my sunday school teacher thinks there is a little danger in this book because of the order in which he teaches the two biblical methods: communication and then the rod. the rod typically comes first when raising children and then communication. he is not sure why communication is discussed first.


foundation #7: embracing biblical methods: communication: part 1

a biblical approach to children involves two elements that you weave together. one element is rich, full communication. the other is the rod. in the book of proverbs we find these two methods side by side.

Proverbs 23:13-19
Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die. Punish him with the rod and save his soul from death. My son, if your heart is wise, then my heart will be glad; my inmost being will rejoice when you lips speak what is right. Do not let your heart envy sinners, but always be zealous for the fear of the Lord. There is surely a future hope for you, and your hope will not be cut off.
Listen, my son, and be wise, and keep your heart on the right path.

Proverbs 23:22
Listen to your father, who gave you life, and do not despise your mother when she is old.

Proverbs 23:26
My son, give me your heart and let your eyes keep to my ways....

Proverbs 18:2, 13 (parents are guilty of both of these)
A fool finds no pleasure in understanding but delights in airing his own opinions.
He who answers before listening that is his folly and his shame.

Proverbs 4:23
Above all else, guard you heart, for it is the wellspring of life.

the finest art of communication is not learning how to express your thoughts. it is learning how to draw out the thoughts of another. your objective in communication must be to understand your child, not simply to have your child understand you. many parents never learn these skills. they never discover how to help their children articulate their thoughts and feelings. this is hard for me to do. i know i often am trying to get my point across. i am trying to get my kids to understand what i'm try say. sometimes i just expect obedience without any input from them, and sometimes i should get that but perhaps that should not be the norm.

when a misbehavior or disobedience occurs, what is important in the correction process is not venting your anger, frustration, or feelings, rather, it is understanding the nature of the struggle that your child is having. you need to understand not just what has happened, but what is going on within your child. remember, it is out of the abundance of the heart that the mouth speaks. your questions in correction is this:

what is the content of the abundance of the heart in this circumstance?
what is the temptation?
what was his response to his temptation?
what was he trying to accomplish?

you must get beneath the behavior and understand the child's motivation in the situation.

Matthew 15:18-19
But the things that come out of the mouth come from the heart, and these make a man 'unclean'.For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander.

Proverbs 20:5
The purposes of a man's heart are deep waters, but a man of understanding draws them out.

rather than "why did you....?" ask some of the following questions:

what were you feeling when you hit your sister?
what did your sister do to make you mad?
help me understand how hitting her seemed to make things better.
what was the problem with what she was doing to you? (perhaps he was sinned against. let him tell you about it.)
in what other ways could you have responded?
how do you think your response reflected trust or lack of trust in God's ability to care for and protect you?

as your child answers these questions, you role is to help him understand himself and speak with clarity and honesty about his internal struggles with sin.

there are four issues you must walk him through:

1. the nature of temptation
2. the possible responses to this temptation
3. the motives for those responses
4. the sinful response he chose

in this process you stand both above him and beside him. you are above him because God has called you to a role of discipline and correction. you are beside him because you, too, are a sinner who struggles with anger toward others. oh i love this!

parents tend to do one or the other. some stand in such solidarity with the child in his failure (asking, "How can i correct him when i do the same things?) that they fail to correct. other stand so much above that they are hypocritically distanced from their children. you must remember that you engage your children in this manner as God's agent. you, therefore, have the right and obligation to censure evil. you do so as a sinner who is beside them and able to understand the way sin works in the human heart.


foundation #7: embracing biblical methods: communication: part 2 - types of communication

we often reduce parenting to these three elements:

1) rules
2) correction
3) discipline/punishment

you give your children the rules. the correction phase comes into play when they break the rules. in the punishment phase you announce the consequence they will receive for breaking the rules. i stop here so many times. during the process of teaching my child - i stop here too many times. it may be because of time, laziness, or ignorance (although i can't claim that anymore). this may result in children who obey but what does their heart look like?

this part of the the book discusses the rich dimension of communication that must lie beneath and support all you say in providing rules. it should look like this:

1) rules
2) correction
3) discipline/punishment
________________
4) encouragement
5) correction
6) rebuke
7) entreaty
8) instruction
9) warning
10) teaching
11) prayer

paul in 1 thessalonians tell us differing conditions in the hearer require differing forms of speaking.

1 Thessalonians 5:14
Warn those who are idle, encourage the timid, help the weak, be patient with everyone.

you do great harm when you fail to discern what type of communication is appropriate to the moment.

1. rules - "don't play in the street." you state the expectation.

2. correction strong's - "straighten out"

webster 1828 - to bring back or attempt to bring back to propriety in morals; to punish for faults or deviation from moral rectitude; to chastise; to discipline; as, a child should be corrected for lying.

sometimes a child needs to be brought into conformity with a standard. correction remedies something wrong. correction helps your children to understand God's standard and teaches them to assess their behavior against that standard. not my standard, which is so much lower than God's, but God's standard.

Proverbs 3:11, 12
My son, despise not the chastening of the Lord, neither be weary of his correction. For whom the Lord loveth he correcteth; even as a father the son in whom he delighteth.

Proverbs 15:10
Correction is grievous unto him that forsaketh the way; and he that hateth reproof shall die.

Proverbs 22:15
Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child, but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.

Proverbs 23:13
Withhold not correction from the child; for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die.

Proverbs 29:17
Correct they son, and he shall give thee rest; yea, he shall give delight unto thy soul.

when a child breaks the rule, you correct their behavior - restate the rule, clarify the rule, explain the rule, if there were natural consequences discuss them, etc.

3. punishment - strongs - to inflict with a penalty

webster's 1828 - to pain, to afflict with pain, loss or calamity for a crime or fault; primarily, to afflict with bodily pain, as to punish a thief with pillory or stripes; but the word is applied also the affliction by loss of property, by transportation, banishment, seclusion from society. the laws require murderers to be punished with death. other offenders are to be punished with fines, imprisonment, and hard labor. God punishes men for their sins with calamities personal and national.

Proverbs 22:11
When the scorner is punished, the simple is made wise; and when the wise is instructed, he received knowledge.

4. encouragement - to comfort

webster's 1828 - to give courage to; to give or increase confidences of success; to inspire with courage, spirit, or strength of mind, to embolden; to animate; to incite to inspirit.

children need communication designed to inspire and fill with hope and courage. your children know the pain of failure. they like you find things looking hopeless at times. you can help them assess the reasons for disappointment. you need to help them understand the promises of God. you can encourage them to find courage, hope and inspiration from God, who draws near the brokenhearted and contrite. this is probably the one that i need to work on the most. it's the hardest for me to do naturally.

1 Thessalonians 5:14
And we urge you, brother, admonish the idle, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all.

5. rebuke - strong's - to forbid

webster's 1828 - a direct and pointed correction aimed at the face.

Luke 4:35
And Jesus rebuked him, saying, Hold thy peace, and come out of him. And when the devil had thrown him in the midst, he came out of him, and hurt him not.

Luke 8:24
And they came to him, and awoke him, saying, Master, master, we perish. Then he arose, and rebuked the wind and the raging of the water, and they ceased, and there was a calm.

to rebuke is to say, "Stop that!"

a rebuke censures behavior. sometimes a child must experience your sense of alarm, shock, and dismay at what he has done or said.

6. entreaty - Strong’s – petition or supplication

Webster’s 1828 – an earnest petition or request

Proverbs 23:26
My son, give me thine heart, and let thine eyes observe my ways.

Proverbs 5-7 is a lengthy entreaty to avoid sexual immorality

this is communication that is earnest and intense. it involves pleading, soliciting, urging, and even begging. it is not, however, the begging of a beggar. it is rather the earnest pleading of a father or mother who, understand his child, the ways of God, and the extremity of the moment, is willing to bare his soul in earnest pleading for his child to act in wisdom and faith. it is a special kind of communication that is reserved for use in cases of great import.

7. instruction - strong’s - tutorage, i.e. education or training; by implication, disciplinary correction: — chastening, chastisement, instruction, nurture.

Webster’s 1828 - to build into[structure – to build; in – into: destruct, construct, obstruct] to teach; to inform the mind; to educate; to impart knowledge to one who was destitute of it. the first duty of parents is to instruct their children in the principles of religion and morality.

Proverbs 1:8
My son, hear the instruction of thy father, and forsake not the law of thy mother.

Proverbs 4:1
Hear, ye children, the instruction of a father, and attend to know understanding.

Proverbs4:13
Take fast hold of instruction; let her not go: keep her; for she is thy life.

Proverbs 5:12, 13
And say, How have I hated instruction, and my heart despised reproof; And have not beyed the voice of my teachers, nor inclined mine ear to them that instructed me!

Proverbs 5:23
He shall die without instruction; and in the greatness of his folly he shall go astray.

II Timothy 3:16
All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness.

instruction is the process of providing a lesson, a precept, or information that will help your children to understand their world. as a parent you are dealing with young people who have large gaps in their understanding of life. they need information about themselves and others. they need to understand the world of spiritual reality and the principles of the Kingdom of God.

8. warning - strong’s – to put in mind, i.e. (by implication) to caution or reprove gently: — admonish

Webster’s 1828- To give notice of approaching or probable danger or evil, that it may be avoided; to caution against any thing that may prove injurious.

Proverbs 6:32
He who commits adultery lacks sense; he who does it destroys himself. (ESV)

1 Thessalonians 5:14
Now we exhort you, brethren, warn them that are unruly, comfort the feebleminded, support the weak, be patient toward all men.

Hebrews 11:7
By faith Noah, being warned of God of things not seen as yet, moved with fear, prepared an ark to the saving of his house; by the which he condemned the world, and became heir of the righteousness which is by faith.

warnings put us on guard regarding a probable danger. a warning is merciful speech, for it is the equivalent of posting a sign informing motorist about a bridge that is out. a warning faithfully alerts us to danger while there is still time to escape unharmed. an alert parent can enable his child both to escape danger and learn in the process. warning preserves. a warning is simply a statement that A leads to B. i am not so sure all my warnings are "statement". it is acquainting them with the sowing-and-reaping principle found throughout scriptures.

9. teaching - strong's - to make have knowledge, wisdom, or understanding; to guide wittingly.

webster's - to instruct; to inform; to communicate to another the knowledge of that of which he was before ignorant.

Isaiah 2:3
And many people shall go and say, Come ye, and let us go up to the mountain of the Lord, to the house of the God of Jacob; and he will each us of his ways, and we will walk in his paths: for out of Zion shall go forth the law, and the word of the Lord from Jerusalem.

Luke 11:1
And it came to pass, that, as he was praying in a certain place, when he ceased, one of his disciples said unto him, Lord, teach us to pray, as John also taught his disciples.

teaching sometimes takes place before it is needed. it is often most powerfully done after a failure or problem. drawing upon knowledge of scripture, you may teach your child to understand himself, others, life, God's revelation, and the world. you must actively impart knowledge to your children.

10. prayer

Prayer is communication with God, not your child, but your children need to hear you pray and you need to hear them pray. We should not pray so that our children will hear us, but when they hear us pray they will hear our faith in God.

1 Peter 3:12
For the eyes of the Lord are over the righteous, and his ears are open unto their prayers: but the face of the Lord is against them that do evil.

while prayer is not communication with the child but with God, it is nevertheless an essential element of communication between the parent and the child. our most penetrating insights into our children will often come as they pray. understanding what they pray and how they pray is often a window into their soul.

preparing sons for life: the mom's part

mommy & son (1 month old)

one of the workshops i attended last weekend at the homeschool convention was preparing sons for life: the mom's part. the speaker was shirley solis. she has four boys (13, 11, 10, and 2) and one on the way. they live in florida but travel 6 months out of the year in an rv with their family business, lifetime books and gifts (shoplbg.com).

mrs. solis starts out talking about a poem we all know:

What are little girls made of?

Sugar and spice,

And everything nice,

That's what little girls are made of

and then the boy's portion:

What are little boys made of?

Snips and snails,

and puppy dogs tails

That's what little boys are made of!

she also describes a scene i'm sure many moms with boys have had happen:

dirty faces, dirty hand, tugging on our leg to show us their prized possession - a creepy crawly bug or simply wanting a hug . don't you just love it when that happens?

she continues to talk about how her boys display the masculine side of God that ministers to her and protects her (they kill bugs for her), but also a gentleness where

she can feel God's love come from them (when they put their hands on her face and

whisper in her ear). the boys help her get in touch with a part of God's nature that

she, as girl, might not normally get involved with.

mrs. solis gives 12 ways the mom has a part in preparing their sons for life. proverbs 1:8 is the anchor she uses to know she has a part in raising her son.

Proverbs 1:8

Listen, my son, to your father's instruction, and do not forsake your mother's t eaching.

1. we have a part in their lives. God had equipped us particularly with the particular boys he has given us to help in the raising of them.

2. be on the journey to understand the heart of men. we started the journey when we married a man. we have to have more of an intention to understand the heart of the man. what does the Bible say about being a man? what are the different things men struggle with? what is like the live in the world where the whole idea of masculinity has been feminized? when are there aspects when we make our boys a little less boy-ish? she recommends some books that deal with this: wild at heart, what the Bible says about being a man?, and preparing son to become providers of single income families. she also recommended books with strong boy characters: my side of the mountain, little men, where the red fern grows, little britches, the adventures of tom sawyer and aesops fables.

3. trust God in spite of your husband. even if you feel like your husband is not doing all the things a "dad" should be doing. even is he falls a little short of other godly men or homeschool fathers you know. we as moms can get in there and really pick our husbands apart: they play too many video games, they don't read the Bible daily, they aren't teaching godly principals, and they're not, and they're not, and they're not...... we may feel like our boys will never do what they are supposed to do because our husbands are not, but mrs. solis thinks it's a lie from satan. God is faithful and we need to do our part in honoring our husbands, not letting it become something that keeps us bitter and not letting it create distance in our relationship with our husband because we are holding on it and believing the lie. our boys will be who they need to be. the Lord put your boy in your family knowing that you lack some things or that maybe you have more anger than you should have. the Lord is graceful and perhaps your husband was going to grow in the process of raising your boys. what will hurt your boys more is if you are not honoring your husband and because of the bitterness you are holding onto more than if your husband is not doing what he's supposed to be doing. your boys have a Father whether or not your husband is there and He is faithful. freeing our sons to Christ releases us from the burden of dual parenting because He has promised to a father to the fatherless. the physical father will do his part and whatever he is lacking, the heavenly Father will take care of.

Romans 8:28

All things work together for good, for those love God, who are called according to his purpose.

we know God has begun a good work in our boys, and He will finish it.

4. as moms, let's fight the feeling of sheltering our boys. mrs. solis quote mark twain who says most boys ultimately want to conquer dig for treasure. they want to feel like they conquered something, but we often keep them from doing that because of our own fears. because we are the moms and there is a certain part that we do, there is a common sense that we do bring to the picture. we have to pray about it. she leans more on the side of letting them do things even though she lets them know what "could" happen (i.e. falling out of a tree when they are climbing high). mrs. solis talks about michael pearl (who wrote to train up a child) when he talks about there is no harm in letting a little child fall into a pool. the harm is not seeing them fall in.

Philippians 4:6

o not be anxious about anything but in everything by prayer and petition,with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

5. cover your boys with prayer. mrs. solis prays for lots of angels - diligent angels - to watch over her boys when they are doing something that she might be comfortable with. she has left her boys in the hands of someone who has a greater interest in him than she does. however, do teach them to have discernment of their own strength and masculinity and when to use it. if you let boys they would tear everything up in the house, but that's when we as moms have discernment and they have to understand the limits. moms teach their boys the control of when it is okay to do something.

Matthew 18:18

for i tell you that the angels of heaven always see the face of their father.

6. be a strong woman. it takes something special to be a mother of a boy. there is something we must have or something the Lord wants us to have when we have boys. don't be afraid. do whatever is needed to move the family forward. don't be afraid to work hard, to teach your children scripture, or to share the gospel. be out there knowing your boys are watching you. they can learn perseverance and endurance from you. however you are created, the Lord knows how you best can be a strong woman based on who you are from the way He way created.

7. be willing to get dirty. she recommends letting boys get animals - even though she personally does not enjoy any mammals. she's had horses, goats, chickens, tarantulas, snakes, reptiles, dogs, and cats. she taught her boys how to milk a goat without touching one - she went onto the internet to learn how and showed them how to do it. she made cheese & yogurt from the goat milk. even though she is afraid of heights, she is often the first one to suggest white water rafting, horseback riding in rocky mountains, or skiing. encourage your boys to do these once in a lifetime things to help them conquer their fears. she has tried very hard to not pass on any of her own personal fears to her boys. she may say, "i'm not going to do it, but you can do it." even though she doesn't like spiders she allows them to have them. they need to know you trust them and that they can "take care" of you. they need to know that you believe they can do more than they think they can. it may not be easy to go out and get dirty. it may stretch you out of your comfort zone. she quoted mark twain "my mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but i think she liked it.

8. teach them to have good manners and a godly character. teach them to be kind and hospitable. give them a heart of service. as a mom we can pay attention to the details and pass it onto the boys. mrs. solis makes sure she teaches the boys how to treat women (holding doors open, picking up something she dropped, or giving up a seat). she also talks about teaching boys about good hygiene. she recommends a book called lintball leo's not so stupid questions about your body that gives silly answers about a lot of hygiene questions.

9. teach them about the beauty of God's nature. we can learn to appreciate reptiles and such through our sons and they can learn to appreciate flowers through us.

10. be diligent and industrious yourself. we are teach them hard work and be out there too. she had to work very hard during hurricane katrina and it showed her boys how to be a hard worker. whatever you delegate, show you are willing to do it first.

11. be cheerful and show them the beauty of life. she quoted abigail adams who said, "i am a mortal enemy to anything but a cheerful countenance." mrs. solis admitted to having a problem with anger. she used to justify it by saying she only yelled a little bit or when they made her. she wants to be known for nothing but a cheerful countenance. be willing to accept a squished flower to show them the beauty in everything. point out the softness of God's nature by the beauty around them.

12. have a general vision for him. have a general vision for them for what in your mind will make him a godly man.

13. encourage him in his vision. our goal as a mom is to provide the resources academically, emotionally and spiritually so he can achieve his vision. she recommends the book who moved the goalposts (about purity). mrs. solis talks about benjamin wesley who was a quaker (who were not allowed to paint at that time). one day his mom and sister goes for a walk and benjamin decided to paint his baby sibling. the mom comes in from the walk and he is caught. he thinks he is in big trouble. the mother looks at the picture, puts the picture down and kisses him. benjamin said that kiss made him a painter. how many of us have doctors and lawyers at home and just the tiniest kiss can make them become who they will be?

i knew i was going to like this class. i went to her vendor booth. her two sons (11 & 10 year old) were at the cash register taking the money & handling all transactions. she was free to walk around and answer questions people had.

i loved every single point she made and some of them spoke to me so much. when she said, we have to entrust our boys into the hands of someone who has a greater interest in them than we do, it blew me away. i know there is a lot of work i need to do as a mother. especially not having any brothers and a father around since elementary school, i needed to hear all of this. when i hear something that i find especially impactful to me, i have to pass it on.

i laughed when she talks about not show the icky feeling you get when your sons shows you something you don't want to see - a bug or something - because that's how i am. however, i have to learn to appreciate all the things God made. nothing drove it home more than the other night when my son went fishing with the officer and papa. that night i saw this sitting on the coffee table.

it's the shedded skin of a snake. it's in two pieces but it's complete with the head all the way to the tail. FUN STUFF!!! THANK YOU GOD for sending me MY BOY!