preparing sons for life: the mom's part

mommy & son (1 month old)

one of the workshops i attended last weekend at the homeschool convention was preparing sons for life: the mom's part. the speaker was shirley solis. she has four boys (13, 11, 10, and 2) and one on the way. they live in florida but travel 6 months out of the year in an rv with their family business, lifetime books and gifts (shoplbg.com).

mrs. solis starts out talking about a poem we all know:

What are little girls made of?

Sugar and spice,

And everything nice,

That's what little girls are made of

and then the boy's portion:

What are little boys made of?

Snips and snails,

and puppy dogs tails

That's what little boys are made of!

she also describes a scene i'm sure many moms with boys have had happen:

dirty faces, dirty hand, tugging on our leg to show us their prized possession - a creepy crawly bug or simply wanting a hug . don't you just love it when that happens?

she continues to talk about how her boys display the masculine side of God that ministers to her and protects her (they kill bugs for her), but also a gentleness where

she can feel God's love come from them (when they put their hands on her face and

whisper in her ear). the boys help her get in touch with a part of God's nature that

she, as girl, might not normally get involved with.

mrs. solis gives 12 ways the mom has a part in preparing their sons for life. proverbs 1:8 is the anchor she uses to know she has a part in raising her son.

Proverbs 1:8

Listen, my son, to your father's instruction, and do not forsake your mother's t eaching.

1. we have a part in their lives. God had equipped us particularly with the particular boys he has given us to help in the raising of them.

2. be on the journey to understand the heart of men. we started the journey when we married a man. we have to have more of an intention to understand the heart of the man. what does the Bible say about being a man? what are the different things men struggle with? what is like the live in the world where the whole idea of masculinity has been feminized? when are there aspects when we make our boys a little less boy-ish? she recommends some books that deal with this: wild at heart, what the Bible says about being a man?, and preparing son to become providers of single income families. she also recommended books with strong boy characters: my side of the mountain, little men, where the red fern grows, little britches, the adventures of tom sawyer and aesops fables.

3. trust God in spite of your husband. even if you feel like your husband is not doing all the things a "dad" should be doing. even is he falls a little short of other godly men or homeschool fathers you know. we as moms can get in there and really pick our husbands apart: they play too many video games, they don't read the Bible daily, they aren't teaching godly principals, and they're not, and they're not, and they're not...... we may feel like our boys will never do what they are supposed to do because our husbands are not, but mrs. solis thinks it's a lie from satan. God is faithful and we need to do our part in honoring our husbands, not letting it become something that keeps us bitter and not letting it create distance in our relationship with our husband because we are holding on it and believing the lie. our boys will be who they need to be. the Lord put your boy in your family knowing that you lack some things or that maybe you have more anger than you should have. the Lord is graceful and perhaps your husband was going to grow in the process of raising your boys. what will hurt your boys more is if you are not honoring your husband and because of the bitterness you are holding onto more than if your husband is not doing what he's supposed to be doing. your boys have a Father whether or not your husband is there and He is faithful. freeing our sons to Christ releases us from the burden of dual parenting because He has promised to a father to the fatherless. the physical father will do his part and whatever he is lacking, the heavenly Father will take care of.

Romans 8:28

All things work together for good, for those love God, who are called according to his purpose.

we know God has begun a good work in our boys, and He will finish it.

4. as moms, let's fight the feeling of sheltering our boys. mrs. solis quote mark twain who says most boys ultimately want to conquer dig for treasure. they want to feel like they conquered something, but we often keep them from doing that because of our own fears. because we are the moms and there is a certain part that we do, there is a common sense that we do bring to the picture. we have to pray about it. she leans more on the side of letting them do things even though she lets them know what "could" happen (i.e. falling out of a tree when they are climbing high). mrs. solis talks about michael pearl (who wrote to train up a child) when he talks about there is no harm in letting a little child fall into a pool. the harm is not seeing them fall in.

Philippians 4:6

o not be anxious about anything but in everything by prayer and petition,with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

5. cover your boys with prayer. mrs. solis prays for lots of angels - diligent angels - to watch over her boys when they are doing something that she might be comfortable with. she has left her boys in the hands of someone who has a greater interest in him than she does. however, do teach them to have discernment of their own strength and masculinity and when to use it. if you let boys they would tear everything up in the house, but that's when we as moms have discernment and they have to understand the limits. moms teach their boys the control of when it is okay to do something.

Matthew 18:18

for i tell you that the angels of heaven always see the face of their father.

6. be a strong woman. it takes something special to be a mother of a boy. there is something we must have or something the Lord wants us to have when we have boys. don't be afraid. do whatever is needed to move the family forward. don't be afraid to work hard, to teach your children scripture, or to share the gospel. be out there knowing your boys are watching you. they can learn perseverance and endurance from you. however you are created, the Lord knows how you best can be a strong woman based on who you are from the way He way created.

7. be willing to get dirty. she recommends letting boys get animals - even though she personally does not enjoy any mammals. she's had horses, goats, chickens, tarantulas, snakes, reptiles, dogs, and cats. she taught her boys how to milk a goat without touching one - she went onto the internet to learn how and showed them how to do it. she made cheese & yogurt from the goat milk. even though she is afraid of heights, she is often the first one to suggest white water rafting, horseback riding in rocky mountains, or skiing. encourage your boys to do these once in a lifetime things to help them conquer their fears. she has tried very hard to not pass on any of her own personal fears to her boys. she may say, "i'm not going to do it, but you can do it." even though she doesn't like spiders she allows them to have them. they need to know you trust them and that they can "take care" of you. they need to know that you believe they can do more than they think they can. it may not be easy to go out and get dirty. it may stretch you out of your comfort zone. she quoted mark twain "my mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but i think she liked it.

8. teach them to have good manners and a godly character. teach them to be kind and hospitable. give them a heart of service. as a mom we can pay attention to the details and pass it onto the boys. mrs. solis makes sure she teaches the boys how to treat women (holding doors open, picking up something she dropped, or giving up a seat). she also talks about teaching boys about good hygiene. she recommends a book called lintball leo's not so stupid questions about your body that gives silly answers about a lot of hygiene questions.

9. teach them about the beauty of God's nature. we can learn to appreciate reptiles and such through our sons and they can learn to appreciate flowers through us.

10. be diligent and industrious yourself. we are teach them hard work and be out there too. she had to work very hard during hurricane katrina and it showed her boys how to be a hard worker. whatever you delegate, show you are willing to do it first.

11. be cheerful and show them the beauty of life. she quoted abigail adams who said, "i am a mortal enemy to anything but a cheerful countenance." mrs. solis admitted to having a problem with anger. she used to justify it by saying she only yelled a little bit or when they made her. she wants to be known for nothing but a cheerful countenance. be willing to accept a squished flower to show them the beauty in everything. point out the softness of God's nature by the beauty around them.

12. have a general vision for him. have a general vision for them for what in your mind will make him a godly man.

13. encourage him in his vision. our goal as a mom is to provide the resources academically, emotionally and spiritually so he can achieve his vision. she recommends the book who moved the goalposts (about purity). mrs. solis talks about benjamin wesley who was a quaker (who were not allowed to paint at that time). one day his mom and sister goes for a walk and benjamin decided to paint his baby sibling. the mom comes in from the walk and he is caught. he thinks he is in big trouble. the mother looks at the picture, puts the picture down and kisses him. benjamin said that kiss made him a painter. how many of us have doctors and lawyers at home and just the tiniest kiss can make them become who they will be?

i knew i was going to like this class. i went to her vendor booth. her two sons (11 & 10 year old) were at the cash register taking the money & handling all transactions. she was free to walk around and answer questions people had.

i loved every single point she made and some of them spoke to me so much. when she said, we have to entrust our boys into the hands of someone who has a greater interest in them than we do, it blew me away. i know there is a lot of work i need to do as a mother. especially not having any brothers and a father around since elementary school, i needed to hear all of this. when i hear something that i find especially impactful to me, i have to pass it on.

i laughed when she talks about not show the icky feeling you get when your sons shows you something you don't want to see - a bug or something - because that's how i am. however, i have to learn to appreciate all the things God made. nothing drove it home more than the other night when my son went fishing with the officer and papa. that night i saw this sitting on the coffee table.

it's the shedded skin of a snake. it's in two pieces but it's complete with the head all the way to the tail. FUN STUFF!!! THANK YOU GOD for sending me MY BOY!