**if you are under 18, please ask you parents if you can read this post about sexual purity. some of the content you parents may want to discuss with you before you read it. thanks!**
this study was put together by Josh Bullard. you can find/order the workbook or video dvd series on his website created for purity.
Galatians 6:7-9
"Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting. And let us not be weary in well doing; for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not."
Hebrews 11:24-25
"He [Moses] chose to be mistreated along with the people of God rather than to enjoy the pleasures of sin for a short time."
teach your children the danger of increasing physical intimacy and the blessing of refraining from physical intimacy.
review of God's standard for sexual purity: no adultery, no fornication, no lusting, no defrauding.
there is a progression of physical intimacy. the longer the amount of time two people spend together alone, the more likely this is to happen.
progression of physical intimacy
1. holding hands
2. hug
3. arm around shoulder
4. kiss (this one is divided into two sections: 1. a peck (affectionate- closed mouth) and 2. french-kissing/making out (passionate - opened mouth)
5. petting - inappropriate touch
6. sexual relationship (husband/wife)
there are three things to consider when helping your children consider where they will draw their line.
1. maturity - the ability and desire to postpone pleasure or ability to delay gratification.
how mature are your children?
2. law of diminishing returns: when something ceases to accomplish what we want it to accomplish, we search for more. in the case of sex, it means that something which previously brought pleasure (for example, kissing) will eventually lose its glamor. more physical activity will be needed to reach the same level of pleasure.
3. human nature pushes up against boundaries. when you live at the line, you may step over it. draw a black line on the progession of physical intimacy and be conservative. look just beyond it (the next step). would God be pleased if you took that next step. think seriously about moving it back even one more step. that way if you step over the line, you may not have lasting damage.
when we looked at the progression of physical intimacy chart in the bible study, josh told us to look at each step. look at the God's 4 standards for sexual purity: adultery, fornication, lusting, defrauding. do any of the steps cause us to sin? for example, does having sex outside of marriage cause us to sin? yes it does. God says plainly no adultery (sex outside of marriage), no fornication, do not lust and no defrauding. does petting cause us to sin? yes - the Bible says to flee fornication, no lusting, no defrauding. does french kissing cause us to sin? maybe not all, but for most yes. no fornication, no lusting, no defrauding. can we make out/french kiss without lusting or defrauding? does a peck on the cheek or lips cause us to sin? most likely not. there is a definite black line on this chart where every one will sin if they go over. however, some people's black line maybe one step beyond or before others. you can't just look at yourself though. you have to keep your boyfriend/girlfriend in mind too.
what do you want to have to tell your future spouse that you did with all your past boyfriends/girlfriends? what do you want your future spouse to have done with someone else? would we ever want to share our spouse like that? how special would it be if you knew your spouse had never kissed, touched, or had sex with any other person other than you?
I Corinthians 6:18
"Flee fornication."
II Timothy 2:22
"Flee youthful lusts."
josh mcdowell says "on e of the worst preparations for marriage is to become passionate before it take place. may women today complain that their husbands don't know how to express intimacy and affection outside the bedroom."
we made a list of things we want in a marriage and things we did not want in marriage. do this with your (older) children. how do we get those things? how do we make sure some of those things don't happen?
here are some homework questions from the workbook.
1. what benefits will any physical intimacy you experience in your relationships now bring to your marriage (question for your children)?
2. what difficulties will the physical intimacy you experience in your relationships now bring to your marriage (question for your children)?
3. what benefits do you want your children to experience, and what difficulties do you want your children to avoid in their marriage?
4. do you think your children have the maturity to look ahead to their future marriages and see that what they are doing now is going to affect the quality of their marriages/ if so, how did they gain that foresight? if not, then how can you help them look ahead and protect themselves and their future?
5. how does pre-marital physical contact (even physical contact far short of sexual intercourse) affect the issue of trust between husband and wife?
are you overwhelmed? i am. that's why i am taking this when my children are 6 and 4. i've made mistakes in my past that i wish could take back, but i can't. i wish i had heard some of this way before i started dating. the officer and i had not dated many before we got married. that has always been a blessing. we did not have a lot of "baggage" we brought to the marriage because of that. however, i wonder if i had known about all this when i was younger what more of a difference it would have made.
i love the drawing a conservative black line on the physical intimacy chart and then backing it up one step. it probably is inevitable that we will go over the boundary whether we try to or not. the speed of the progression of the chart is based on how much time is spent alone with boyfriend/girlfriend, so i have to keep that in mind. letting kids go out on 5 hour dates is just asking for trouble. josh had suggested just keeping it to something like 2 hours out - a dinner or a movie - not necessarily both.
all interesting things to think about and to discuss with our growing kids! :) i have started praying now - actually i started praying for my children's spouses before they were born. i need to be more specific though. God will hear those prayers.
Galatians 6:7-9
"Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting. And let us not be weary in well doing; for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not."
Hebrews 11:24-25
"He [Moses] chose to be mistreated along with the people of God rather than to enjoy the pleasures of sin for a short time."
teach your children the danger of increasing physical intimacy and the blessing of refraining from physical intimacy.
review of God's standard for sexual purity: no adultery, no fornication, no lusting, no defrauding.
there is a progression of physical intimacy. the longer the amount of time two people spend together alone, the more likely this is to happen.
progression of physical intimacy
1. holding hands
2. hug
3. arm around shoulder
4. kiss (this one is divided into two sections: 1. a peck (affectionate- closed mouth) and 2. french-kissing/making out (passionate - opened mouth)
5. petting - inappropriate touch
6. sexual relationship (husband/wife)
there are three things to consider when helping your children consider where they will draw their line.
1. maturity - the ability and desire to postpone pleasure or ability to delay gratification.
how mature are your children?
2. law of diminishing returns: when something ceases to accomplish what we want it to accomplish, we search for more. in the case of sex, it means that something which previously brought pleasure (for example, kissing) will eventually lose its glamor. more physical activity will be needed to reach the same level of pleasure.
3. human nature pushes up against boundaries. when you live at the line, you may step over it. draw a black line on the progession of physical intimacy and be conservative. look just beyond it (the next step). would God be pleased if you took that next step. think seriously about moving it back even one more step. that way if you step over the line, you may not have lasting damage.
when we looked at the progression of physical intimacy chart in the bible study, josh told us to look at each step. look at the God's 4 standards for sexual purity: adultery, fornication, lusting, defrauding. do any of the steps cause us to sin? for example, does having sex outside of marriage cause us to sin? yes it does. God says plainly no adultery (sex outside of marriage), no fornication, do not lust and no defrauding. does petting cause us to sin? yes - the Bible says to flee fornication, no lusting, no defrauding. does french kissing cause us to sin? maybe not all, but for most yes. no fornication, no lusting, no defrauding. can we make out/french kiss without lusting or defrauding? does a peck on the cheek or lips cause us to sin? most likely not. there is a definite black line on this chart where every one will sin if they go over. however, some people's black line maybe one step beyond or before others. you can't just look at yourself though. you have to keep your boyfriend/girlfriend in mind too.
what do you want to have to tell your future spouse that you did with all your past boyfriends/girlfriends? what do you want your future spouse to have done with someone else? would we ever want to share our spouse like that? how special would it be if you knew your spouse had never kissed, touched, or had sex with any other person other than you?
I Corinthians 6:18
"Flee fornication."
II Timothy 2:22
"Flee youthful lusts."
josh mcdowell says "on e of the worst preparations for marriage is to become passionate before it take place. may women today complain that their husbands don't know how to express intimacy and affection outside the bedroom."
we made a list of things we want in a marriage and things we did not want in marriage. do this with your (older) children. how do we get those things? how do we make sure some of those things don't happen?
here are some homework questions from the workbook.
1. what benefits will any physical intimacy you experience in your relationships now bring to your marriage (question for your children)?
2. what difficulties will the physical intimacy you experience in your relationships now bring to your marriage (question for your children)?
3. what benefits do you want your children to experience, and what difficulties do you want your children to avoid in their marriage?
4. do you think your children have the maturity to look ahead to their future marriages and see that what they are doing now is going to affect the quality of their marriages/ if so, how did they gain that foresight? if not, then how can you help them look ahead and protect themselves and their future?
5. how does pre-marital physical contact (even physical contact far short of sexual intercourse) affect the issue of trust between husband and wife?
are you overwhelmed? i am. that's why i am taking this when my children are 6 and 4. i've made mistakes in my past that i wish could take back, but i can't. i wish i had heard some of this way before i started dating. the officer and i had not dated many before we got married. that has always been a blessing. we did not have a lot of "baggage" we brought to the marriage because of that. however, i wonder if i had known about all this when i was younger what more of a difference it would have made.
i love the drawing a conservative black line on the physical intimacy chart and then backing it up one step. it probably is inevitable that we will go over the boundary whether we try to or not. the speed of the progression of the chart is based on how much time is spent alone with boyfriend/girlfriend, so i have to keep that in mind. letting kids go out on 5 hour dates is just asking for trouble. josh had suggested just keeping it to something like 2 hours out - a dinner or a movie - not necessarily both.
all interesting things to think about and to discuss with our growing kids! :) i have started praying now - actually i started praying for my children's spouses before they were born. i need to be more specific though. God will hear those prayers.
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