shepherding a child's heart - foundation 5

i didn't post one of these last week because it went hand-in-hand with this week's lesson. i felt they needed to be posted together. once again these are notes from my sunday school teacher which he took from shepherding your child's heart by ted tripp. again, my comments/thoughts are in green. here are some questions to think about before you read the whole post.

foundation 5 - goals for child rearing

what are my goals for my children?

how do i define success?

how would your children complete this sentence? "what mom and dad want for me is....."

think in terms of spheres (what are you goals for these specific areas?)

spiritual

mental

academic

physical

social

psychological

really think about these for a second. what do you want to your children to achieve? what do are you actively working toward? this was last weeks lesson. here is this weeks lesson.

goals for child rearing

common goal: i want my children to be happy. most people want this for their kids. you are not to seek happiness, you are to seek righteousness and then you will be happy.

biblical goal: to glorify God and enjoy him forever. john piper would say: to glorify God by enjoying Him forever. what does it mean to "glorify"? to praise, enjoy, delight in them.

John 17:4
i have brought you glory on earth by completing the work you gave me to do.


developing special skills

baseball, football, basketball, soccer, gymnastics, swimming, dance, music lessons, tae kwondo lessons etc. these certainly are not evil and may have their place in your child's life. but is the measure of the parent the number of activities provided for the child? is the measure of the child the number of skills developed? what are the values taught and modeled by their teachers and coaches? will you child receive biblical instruction in an accurate self-image, sportsmanship, loyalty, poise, endurance, perseverance, friendship, integrity, competition, and respect for authority? what values are taught when the Lord's day of worship plays second fiddle to a baseball tournament or gymnastic meet? we don't have this situation yet, but i'm sure if my children stay in sports/extracurricular activities it could arise. the officer and i have talked about only allowing our kids to be involved in one thing at a time. so that 1) we have more family time together, 2)they are not going everywhere all the time. we hadn't thought a whole lot about who their coaches/teachers were and that aspect. i had to think about why do i want my daughter in gymnastics and my son in tae kwon do. what do i hope they gain out of this?

a biblical worldview dictates that you should teach your children to exercise and care for their bodies as an expression of stewardship for God's gifts. grow their capacity to share, serve, and minister to others. grow family unity and oneness. keep the body that God has given you in good physical shape so that you can serve others. this also hit me. am i showing my kids a good example of how you can serve others by taking care of my own body. if i cannot take care of my own body, i will may not be able to serve others either physically or because of my laziness.


psychological development

the pop psychology is often directed at building self-esteem.

have you noticed that there is no literature that promises to help produce children who esteem others? to function in God's kingdom is to serve others.

Philippians 2:3
do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider other better than yourselves.

for example, what do we teach our children to do when they are being bullied? "Don't ever start a fight, but if someone starts a fight with you, then you end it."

Romans 12:17-21
do not repay anyone evil for evil. be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. if it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "it is mine to avenge; i will repay," says the Lord. on the contrary "if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. in doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head." do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
i had heard in a sunday school class once, the part where it says 'heaping burning coals on their head' was actually a good thing. i had thought - you know - it would make them feel bad, burden their load. however, it is actually helping them - back then fire was life. heaping burning coals on their head helped bring fire to their household.

Luke 6:27-36
but i tell you who hear me: love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. if someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also. if someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic. give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. do to other as you would have them do to you. if you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? even 'sinners' love those who love them. and if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you. even 'sinners' do that. and if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment. what credit is that to you? even 'sinners' lend to 'sinners' expecting to be repaid in full. but love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.

this verse got to me too. i have heard it many times before. i guess just reading it again reminded me. it is very easy for me to "help" people who i know will doing something with my help. i.e. give money to someone, give my time, talents, or whatever. if you know someone will appreciate it, be grateful for it, you are willing to give it. what if someone is not appreciative, not grateful and do something with what you've give them that you do not approve (or not do what you would do with it). is this for me to judge. God says to give regardless. He will be the judge, we are to obey his command to serve.

I Peter 2:21-23
to this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving an example that you should follow his steps. he committed no sin, and no deceit was found in his mouth. when they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made not threats. instead he entrusted himself to him who judges justly.

lest we forget who were before God saved us. we are not to judge. Jesus suffered the same death for us as anyone - ANYONE else.

Proverbs 15:1
a gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh words stirs up anger.


saved children

some parents are preoccupied with "getting their children saved." they take them to vbs, backyard bible clubs, summer camps, and anywhere else where someone will invite and challenge them to "pray the sinner's prayer." nothing in any of the passages that deal with child-training say anything about bringing our children to salvation. there are two problems:

1. we can never tell if a child is saved or not.

Matthew 7:21-23
not everyone who says to me, "Lord, Lord," will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. many will say to me on that day, "Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?" then i will tell them plainly, "i never knew you. away from me, you evildoers!"

2. when a child is saved, that does not change any biblical goals for child-rearing. they need to be taught the gospel, whether they are saved or not. once the goal of the child being saved is met, often many parents just leave it at that. we will not be the ones who save them, God will.

now this was interesting. this is something i had not really thought a whole lot about. i mean, of course, i wanted my children to be saved. however, i had not thought that it wasn't MY job. i see that i can only present the gospel to them in as many ways as possible and as often as possible, and leave the rest up to God. if we think it is OUR job to save them, then we may think we are the ones who saved them. we have just as much work after they have been saved to do then before.


well behaved children

often the desire for well behaved children is a result of parental pride. manners, properly understood, are an expression and application of the scriptural principles to love and serve others. well behaved children is not the goal, to serve others is.

if i am being honest here, so guilty of this. leave it at that.

Philippians 2:3-4, 20-21
do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider other better than yourselves. each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interest of others.
i have no one else like him, who takes a genuine interest in your welfare. for everyone looks out for his own interest, not those of Jesus Christ.

Colossians 2:6-8
so then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthen in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness. see to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depend on human tradition and the basic principles of those world rather than on Christ.


good education

much of parent's wanting their children to do well in school is motivated by parental pride. most wanting of children to get a scholarship is for the same reason. getting a "good education" is often viewed as a step toward getting a "good job" which is translated a "high paying job." proverbs 23:4 says the opposite.

Proverbs 23:4
do not wear yourself out to get rich; have the wisdom to show restraint.

j.p. moreland's love the Lord your God with all your mind says a person can be well-educated and still not understand life. a person can be well-educated and be a fool.

Psalms 14:1, Psalms 53:1
the fool says in his heart, "there is no God." they are corrupt, their deeds are vile; there is not one who does good.

Proverbs 28:26
he who trust in himself is a food, but he who walks in wisdom is kept safe.

diligence and stewardship are two worthy educational goals.

Proverbs 14:23
all hard work brings a profit, but mere talk leads only to poverty.

Luke 12: 48
but the one who does not know and does things deserving punishment will be beaten with a few blows. from everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked.

i liked this. as a homeschooling mom, i will work on this. my son does not have to have the perfect penmenship. he does not have to know every phonic sound. he does not have to know how to count forward and backward to 250. if i can instill in him diligence and stewardship, he can learn what do with what God has given him, no matter what that amount is.


conclusion

how would your children complete this sentence?

"what mom and dad want for me is...."

ask yourself this question, and then ask you kids. how far off or close to the mark did your answer match up with your kid's answers.