shepherding a child's heart - introduction & foundation #1

i received the notes from the first week i had missed so here they are. this is straight from his notes (which in turn are from the book - shepherding a child's heart by ted tripp). if i write anything myself, it will be in green (my favorite color!)

Our culture has lost its way with respect to parenting. Why? What are some of the problems with child-rearing today? We have many people who have children but do not want to be parents. In our self-absorbed culture children are clearly a liability. Today’s parents were parented by children of the rebellion of the 60’s. We do not understand submission to authority. i think i, in particular, have a problem with this. in my marriage, the officer and i have natural reverse roles - meaning my officer has the servant heart, always has (one of the reasons i fell in love with him) and i like taking the lead. this is something we are always working on. when we aren't working hard at it, we fall back into what feels comfortable, but it doesn't not work out well because it's not how God has designed marriage. so i know if i cannot get this under control, there's no way we can teach our kids about submission to our authority, much less God's. We have a culture of indulgence and entitlement. Parents do not have a clear goal in mind for what they want their children to look like – a vision for parenting.


1. An overview of a biblical vision for parenting.


A. Authority
I want my children to learn to live under authority. God established authority: home, church, state, business. Our culture tends toward the extremes: either the crass, authoritarian "Because I said so" parent; or the wimps who want to be friends with their children. We should follow Jesus’ example of authority. Be an authority who is truly kind, who does not want the child to just do what I say, but who serves the child – lays down his life for the child. The purpose for your authority in the life of your child is not so that he will be under your power and do as you say, rather it is to empower them to become self-controlled people living freely under the control of God. yeah i can probably get my child to obey me when they are around me, but what do they do when i am not around. are they self-controlled people?

You must exercise authority, but you must do it for them, with love and respect. Children generally do not resist authority that is truly kind and selfless, that knows God, knows the, understands the world and how it works, and is committed to helping them be successful.


B. Shepherding
Not just teaching, but walking alongside with. Values and spiritual vitality must be taught, but clearly they are mostly caught. alright - i have to have all this straight before i can teach it to my children. hmmm....

Proverbs 13:20
He who walks with the wise will become wise.
Parenting is shepherding – spending time with, walking alongside.


C. The centrality of the gospel
1. Teach them that they are sinners

Romans 3:23
For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.

2. Teach them why they are sinners

I Cor. 15:22
For as in adam all die, even so in Christ all shall be made alive.

Romans 5:12
Therefore, just as through one man sin entered the world, and death through sin, and thus
death spread to all men, because all have sinned.

3. Teach them biblical standards of right and wrong and then teach them why they can’t keep
those standards. This drives them toward the gospel. Ex. Don’t teach your children to hit back
when someone hits them. (Qualify that sometimes it is good for the other person to be hit back
in order to teach them not to hit. The child might need to feel the pain of what they are doing to
others. This is teaching them to not hit, it is not teaching them to hit back.) Don’t lower God’s
standards because you know they can’t keep them. i have been guilty of this. i think "they are just kids.", but that does not mean the standards are lower for them - or for me.

4. Teach them that the hope of internal empowerment is in the gospel.

Ezekiel 36:25-27
I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you shall be clean from all your uncleanliness, and from
all your idols I will cleanse you. The grace of forgiveness is found in the gospel.
And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the
heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. The grace of internal change is
found in the gospel.
And I will put my Spirit within you, and cause you to walk in my statutes and be careful to obey
my rules. The grace of empowerment to live is found in the gospel.


5. Internalization of the gospel

Each child will examine the gospel and determine if he will embrace its truth. A child is going to hold in his hands what you present them regarding the gospel, turn it every which way, examine how it looks in your life, ask questions about it, see if it really is like you say it is.

You need to be ready to answer their questions. A child does not need to ask every question that there is to ask, but a child needs to be free to ask every question that he has. You need to grant that freedom and then answer the question. this means i need to be digging in to the Bible to be prepared to answer questions. i cannot lay back and wait. i need to be prepared - have an answer ready.

Philippians 1:9-11

And this is my prayer that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ to the glory and praise of God.

2 Timothy 4:2

Preach the word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke, and encourage - with great patience and careful instruction.

I Peter 3:15

but in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. but do this with gentleness and respect.

okay i guess this means i can't wait for the perfect bible study! :) need to dig myself. blogging this has made me dig deeper than just listening the the study on sunday mornings - so it's been good.

6. Mutuality as people under God

A parent should want to eventually walk with a child as a brother or sister in Christ, a friend.
The one that you teach, train, discipline, and pray for will eventually be your friend.


Foundation #1 – The Heart of Your Child

It is the heart of your child that you are shaping, not their behavior.

Prov. 4:23
Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.

Mark 7:15-23
There is nothing that enters a man from outside which can defile him; but the things which come of him, those are the tings that can defile a man. if any one has ears to hear, let him hear! when he had entered a house away from the crowd, His disciples asked him concerning the parable. so He said to them, "are you thus without understanding also? do you not perceive that whatever enters a man from outside cannot defile him, because it does not enter his heart but his stomach, and is eliminated, thus purifying all foods?" and He said, "what comes out of a man, that defiles a man. for from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornication,s murders, thefts, covetousness, wickedness, deceit, lewdness, and evil eye, blasphemy, pride, foolishness. all these evil things come from within and defile a man.

Matthew 15:18-20
but those things which proceed out of the mouth come from the heart, and they defile a man. for out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies. these are the things which defile a man, but to eat with unwashed hands does not defile a man.


What does this look like in training and discipline?

You must require proper behavior. But you must also help your child ask the questions that will expose to him the attitude of his heart that produced the wrong behavior. Ex: children fighting over a toy. "I had it first." How do you handle this situation? Show them that the problem is "I want my happiness and I don’t care about yours."

lesson 3 will be coming soon - just had to get the 1st foundation out of the way. so... anyone else convicted by this? anyone else see things they can work on? anyone have any good tips of how to do any of this? i'm all open for suggestions.