shepherding a child's heart -foundation 2

i have been in need some more parenting/child rearing classes. i always am in need of them. i try to read several different books, some with different views to see what i can get from them. i always go back to my good ol' what the bible says about child training by richard fugate to touch base and get me back to where i want to be. last september when our church started their sunday night classes, i had wanted to find a good bible study i could really get into. for some reason i didn't really enjoy the bible study i had attended. during the regular classes, while my kids were in children's choir, i decided to check some books out of the library and do my own bible study. the two i really enjoyed and got the most out of at the time were walking tall in babylon: raising children to be godly and wise in a perilous world by c.w. neil and preparing your daughter for every woman's battle by shannon ethridge (which i would recommend to anyone who has daugthers!!!) i have also checked out every young man's battle by steve arterburn. both of those books have to do with purity, not only sexual purity but emotional and mental purity. excellent books and never to early or late to read.

i can feel myself needing another bible study. i do really well when someone is leading the study, and i can have the book to read, notes to take down, as well as scriptures to read. i need all my senses engaged. well last week when i went to sunday school, i was pleasantly surprised when i found out one of my sunday school teachers was going to be doing a series on parenting/child rearing.

i'm all in.

my sunday school teacher has 10 kids (yes, i said 10) and when they say take advice from godly people, he is one i trust. so he said he was going to be doing the study from the book shepherding a child's heart by ted tripp. i was very excited. i can feel my patience has been waning, and i know i have been getting exhausted quicker than usual. this is probably due to a lot of things but i also know i have been more re-active than anything lately. so i have prayed for God to prepare my heart for this study (and another one i'm doing - beth moore's - esther: it's tough being a woman).

you can stop reading now if you feel like you are doing pretty good in your parenting/child rearing. sometimes we go through those times when we are doing all we should be doing. however, if sometimes you feel like you are at the end of your rope, or you have no more patience, or you feel like you are doing the same things over and over but with nothing changing, then maybe you should read on. i am basically only going to be re-writing the notes i got in sunday school, which he got from the book, just to give you something to think about. i will not insert my opinions (maybe some of my mistakes i've made though - my thoughts will be in green).

i missed the first week due to child illness, but i will get those notes and post them at a later time. there are 12 foundations, and i started the study on the 2nd foundation, but i have listed the 1st one for you.

foundation 1:
The heart of your child: it is the heart of you child that you are shaping, not their behavior. you are shaping their heart as you control their behavior.

Proverbs: 4:23
Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.


foundation 2:
Shaping influences: A child is shaped by his life experiences and how he responds and interacts to those experiences.

Ephesians 6:4
Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in training and instruction of the Lord.
Colossians 3:21
Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.

Shaping Influences:
There are 6 influences that will shape your child.
1. structure of family life - (is it a traditional family, does it revolve around the child, do the personalities blend, is it multi-generational, are there siblings, do they get along, are the grandparents saved????)

2. family values - (what's worth the fuss, where does God fit in, what is the family philosophy, what is important, what are the believes & values???)

3. family roles - (what's mom's role, what's dad's role, what role does the child and/or siblings play???)

4. family conflict resolutions (are they quietly, privately resolved, is there physical abuse, is it played out in front of everyone, is it just ignored???)

5. family responses to failure - (what is the response from mother, father, and child when their is a failure?)

6. family history - (have their been deaths, what is the spiritual make-up, has their been divorce???)

Avoid the two incorrect extremes of denial (my child is unaffected by his influences) and determinism (my child is a helpless victim of his bad circumstances or thinking there is a guarantee he will turn out great with good circumstances).

denial:
Proverbs 14:26
He who fears the Lord has a secure fortress, and for his children it will e a refuge.
Proverbs 20:7
The righteous man leads a blameless life; blessed are his children after him.
Proverbs 22:6
Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.
Proverbs 22:15
Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him.
Proverbs 23:13
Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die.
Proverbs 29:15
The rod of correction imparts wisdom; but a child left to himself disgraces his mother.
Proverbs 29:21
If a man pampers his servant from youth, he will bring him grief in the end.

determinism:
Proverbs 4:1
Listen, my sons, to a father's instruction; pay attention and gain understanding.
Proverbs 5:7
Now then, my sons, listen to me; do not turn aside from what i say.
Proverbs 7:24
Now then, my sons, listen to me, pay attention to what i say.
Proverbs 8:32
Now then, my sons, listen to me, blessed are those who keep my ways.

basically he said just because a child grows up in the worst circumstances it does not mean he will turn out to be a horrible, evil person. just because he grows up in the best circumstances (this is what hit me, both parents married, both sets of grandparents saved, attending/involved in church, homeschooling, watching what they watch on tv, listening to k-love, not celebrating some holidays, what friend's they have or who they spend time with, or who will be involved in their lives) does NOT guarantee he will chase after God and have a relationship with him.

OUCH!

it's involves both the influences (some we can control and some we cannot) that will shape your child. his experiences, how he reacts, and how he interacts with those influences will shape the person he will become. it is the heart you are after. you can only do what you know are you are to do and PRAY, PRAY HARD - the rest is up to your child and God.

that was foundation 2 - i knew i would be coming back for more. i realized this isn't going to tell me how to get my child to act better, it was going to show me how i am to do better. i'm in it for the whole ride though. went back this week for foundation 3.

i will write about it later this week. i have to absorb some it. let me tell you, it was convicting. it was about Godward orientation (your child will only serve either God or Satan - no in between!) we are either steering them toward God or away, there is no neutral ground! what do we hold as idols that we are serving - what do our children do as a result??? more to come....