2 degree difference

about a month ago we were doing a marriage video study in our sunday school class. i always enjoy marriage or parenting classes because i think you can never hear it too much. i usually find something i needed to be reminded of or i hear something that resonates with me at the time.

the video series was a marriage conference simulcast by focus on the family. they had several great speakers - beth moore, gary thomas, dr. del tackett, and dr. gary smalley.

another speaker was dr. john trent. dr. trent talked about making small differences to make a big difference. he had a steering wheel as a prop to make his point. dr. trent retold a story of how he had fallen asleep while driving. he had drifted clear across 4 lanes of traffic to the other side of the road and didn't even know it. when he had woken up, he realized he was on the wrong side of the road, and of course made the mistake many people do - he overcorrected and rolled his car.

dr. trent paralleled this with marriage. often people will not realize their marriage is going off the road. when they realize where they are, they will do something drastic to get back on track - turning their steering wheel 50%. instead, if they would just make small adjustments they would make it back onto the road smoother. he called it making 2 degree differences.

for example, a 2 degree difference could be talking politely to my husband. not saying the thing i am thinking "why doesn't he put his dirty laundry in the laundry basket 1 ft. from where he dropped his clothes?" and just putting it back for him. it's not like he is doing it to make me mad personally. saying something to him is probably just going to start a fight. neither of us really wants that.

it not saying that digging comment just because i am frustrated. it's not rolling my eyes when he says something. it's not doing something but with a grudging heart. it's not huffing and pouting about something i'm not happy with. it's not telling my family and girlfriends about the latest thing he has done to annoy me. it's not doing something behind his back even though he's asked me not to do it. there are a lot of things it is not....

it is doing something nice for him without him having to ask me to. it is fixing something nice for dinner that he enjoys. it is trying to manage to look half way presentable to him when he gets home from work. it is telling him how much i appreciate him working so i can stay home with the kids. it is doing the extra errand for him and seeing if there is anything else we can do for him. there are a ton of things that it is....

any one of these thing done by themselves will not save a marriage. any one of these things by themselves not done will not destroy a marriage. however, every decision we make regarding our spouse or our relationship with either hurt or benefit our marriage. i do know it can never harm our marriage by doing all these things. it does make a difference.

i have seen a difference. i joke about it with my husband. i let him know i am trying to make 2 degrees adjustment/differences for him. i let him know that our marriage is important to me by doing things that will benefit it. i have notice it is has really helped me attitude too. just trying to get into the habit of doing nice things or saying nice things keeps me out of the bitter/stubborn/resentful attitude i can fall into.

try it. try to make just 2 degree differences and see what happens. you're doing it for God, you, and your marriage - not to see if you husband will notice or do the same thing. you are doing it because you have made covenant with God regarding your husband.

anyone else see that conference? anyone else get anything good out it you'd like to point out? anyone have any other great marriage advice or tips?