bedtime conversations with my son

1 Peter 5:7-9
Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings.

For the past several months I have been weighed down by questions in my head and on my heart. I'm sure any mother asks these questions of herself. Not "Am I doing a good job as a mother?" Not "Am I measuring up to what others are doing?"

We homeschool our children. This was a decision made long before we had kids. This was actually a decision made before we got married. :) One of the reason we wanted to homeschool our children was to be able to teach them about our beliefs, values, and about God. We did not want to leave up to other people to do this. There is no judgement if you don't homeschool. Homeschooling was just something God laid on both our hearts to do. If you have a desire to do it, don't think it's out of reach. With God anything is possible.

Deuteronomy 6:4-9
Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the door frames of your houses and on your gates.

This verse I have taken literally. I have written scriptures upon my door frames. There are several places in our house where we have verses. This verse has been a foundation of our homeschooling. Although I have turned more toward survival mode in that too. Has that happened to anyone else?

Anywho....

I have been asking myself, "Am I doing what I wanted to do? Am I teaching my children about the love of God? Am I helping them get to the point where they will have a personal relationship with God? Am I doing my part in helping pass on a legacy of faith? Am I being intentional about my parenting or am I just trying survive the day and complete today's to do list?"

I have been slacking terribly in all areas (except the cooking area, thanks to Pinterest, I am picking up in that area a little.) I have been praying to God that he will give me a little clarity. A little bit more insight. Some practical solutions. My kids have been begging for it. There has been strife in our household. I like to delude myself and say it's just "the kids" being whiny, complaining and not listening. When really it is me who sets the tone for the day in our house. And I am not a morning person, so it's not very often that the "tone" of the day is a joyous one. It's more of a "I could really use a Route 44 Vanilla Coke from Sonic" at 7 a.m. kind of morning. All my "stuff" is reflected back to through my kids.

Anyway, tonight as with many other nights that I have declined, my son asked me to lay down with him. Tonight I did.

I will say my God has not forgotten me. He knows my heart. He knew I needed to hear my son say things tonight. He knew I needed to hear my son affirm some of the things we have tried to teach him. It happened even before the bedtime conversation. As we were driving home from cub scouts, my son was just talking about how he loves animals. He said, "I love animals. They are my third favorite thing!" I replied, "They are your third favorite thing? What are number one and number two?" He said, "I love God/Jesus first, then you guys, my family, next, then animals." I don't know who doesn't want to hear that from their son.

My son turns nine this week. You can read about his arrival into this world here. Sometimes, this is still how I see him....

as a 4 lb. 8 oz. baby, instead of this:

He is a sweet boy. He is kind-hearted. He is sensitive. He is trustworthy. He is respectful. He is protective. He is well-mannered. He has a great sense of humor. He has a great memory. He is imaginative. He has his daddy's servant heart. He stands firm in his beliefs.

He loves Legos. He loves rocks. He love animals. He loves tae kwon do. He has the greatest laugh. He loves to tell jokes. He loves to sleep in a nest of pillows and blankets. He loves his family.

Things my son shared with me tonight:

I am so thankful God make me healthy even though I was small.

I think you do a great job at coupons mom!

I am really thankful I have a sister, even if she really, really, really really frustrates me.

I am glad I can ask God for forgiveness. I am glad God took my sin away.

I really want to learn more Bible verses. They can help me out when I am frustrated or tempted.

I like Bibleman because he always uses Bible verses to fight the bad guys.

I really like spending time with you mom.

I love you mom.

I have thanked God tonight for knowing me so well and knowing the desires of my heart. He knows the needs I have and meets them even if I don't know I need them met. Did that make sense? I don't have the words to articulate my feelings/thoughts as well as others do. Good thing that doesn't matter to God.

Psalms 55:22
Cast your burden on the Lord and He will sustain you...